


The Disappearance of Daniel Howell

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Because yes, Changing POVs, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic, F/F, Fantastic, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, I filed this under vocaloid because I'm vocaloid trash and shit Luka and Miku, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mystery, Nonsense, Not Beta Read, Personal Growth, Phil Lester Swears, Songs, Supernatural Elements, Unexplained Elements, Weird Plot Shit, Wishes, and im not about adding all the tags back in to correct that, and that's also thoroughly shat on for the most part, as in the genre, classic greek play structure, colour coded emotions, descriptive, in some respects, other references, paddington bear references, rated for language, set in the real world but it's full of weird stuff, sorry the tags are so messy, that kind of don't matter since this is, that's a taste of what this is lmfao, their relationship is implied because yes, u know how it says shit up there in the luka and miku tag?, yea this is shit lmao but i meant ship, yes he does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22788616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan and Phil go out to make a purchase instead of using the internet. That's their first mistake. Their second mistake is taking a free Wishing Stone from a shady vendor at Portobello Market from whom they purchase a bootleg Hatsune Miku figure.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Hatsune Miku/Megurine Luka
Kudos: 9





	1. Prologue: Please, remember: Outside Life often gives Understandable Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all,
> 
> this is my first Phan fic and likely the last. I never thought I'd actually come around to writing it but here we are. It took me this past week to write and at the moment I'm a little doped on meds and that's why I'm posting it as it is, fully aware that it's riddled with mistakes and typos. Sorry about that.  
> This is actually an idea that's been floating around in my mind for a little over a year. Not sure if anything like this has ever been done but if it has, know that I'm not aware of it. The first phan fics I've read were actually written by the people over at the GC I'm in, which I joined a couple weeks ago. I have been a fan of Dan and Phil since 2015, just never read any fics. 
> 
> That aside this is a weird ass fic with a weird ass plot. The title is the title of a song and you'll see that right away. Of course, the theme is pretty obviously about Dan's hiatus. However, though I did try to kind of make their personalities close to what we see, I tend to base characters I write based on real people (as in, characters that are real people turned characters, if that makes sense) on people I actually know. That sort of helps me have a better feel of how to write them. I called Phil's mum Kathryn because that's what they keep calling her so if that's not her real name, I'm sorry.  
> Ah, gosh, i'm remembering things too slowly. Greek Tragedy Structure. I'm a Languages, Literature and Creative Writing major (you'll question that after reading this thing, probably) and I know the conventions. I also love to use them in unconventional ways because we're all a bit pretentious after all. 
> 
> A final warning, since these are the only notes I'm adding (I'm posting the whole thing in one go, mind), their relationship is implied throughout and there are some obvious displays of affection and all. Other than that this is absolutely PG-13.

* * *

**_“Hubris and science are incompatible.”_ **

**_Douglas Preston_ **

* * *

“Be careful with the Cintamani stone, lads” the grinning man told them from behind his table “it is very powerful!”

“Alright, we’ll be very careful.” Dan said with a smile that felt as fake as the stuff they’d just bought.

“And don’t put the figure near heat sources, it is very sensitive.” He added, almost yelling as they walked away wanting to get out there as quickly as possible.

“Very sensitive…” Dan snorted when they were out of earshot “God, why did we come by Portobello street again?”

Phil shrugged.

“It’s the world’s oldest antiques market. It’s nice here despite the amount of people… and this heat.” He said with a light shrug “And Paddington was shot here.” He smiled.

“Sure, I guess.” Dan snorted “Not sure why we got the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy in VHS when we don’t even have a VCR player though.”

“It’s a rare finding, Dan!”

“The whole set was 5 quid, Phil, how rare can it be?” Dan snorted.

Phil chuckled.

“Okay, fine, I just thought it was a cool nerdy item to have on display. Like a coffee table book, but cooler.”

Dan chortled seeing Phil chuckle at his own confession that frankly was no surprise. He thought it was cool too. Useless, but cool.

They were both carrying bags full of junk on both hands and, for a reason they couldn’t remember and didn’t really matter, Phil was the one carrying Dan’s new laptop.

And the weather was very bright and very hot.

They’d gone to town to get Dan a new laptop and since it was sunny and vitamin D (the vitamin you get from sunlight, mind) was good for you, they’d gone for a little stroll, enjoy a place they didn’t visit often, make Paddington the bear references, and maybe have a nice time outside.

Maybe they should have just gone home right away.

Somehow they’d ended up getting a ton of items they didn’t need, including matching cowboy hats, a whole set of antique candle holders, a very kitsch and very ugly (or as the vendor put it ‘ _of a peculiar beauty’_ ) kettle shaped like a very disturbing smiling red apple, some old comic books, a collection of summer scarves that neither of them would ever use, and a new houseplant. Dan had conceded to it since they’d had to bin another fallen soldier the previous week and the new addition wasn’t a big one. It was small pot of green and the vending lady told them it was very sturdy.

Only time would tell how sturdy it truly was after spending some time under their care.

Finally they’d been attracted by a lone table full of strange stones and assorted bootleg figures which included very bad Marvel figures and old cartoon figures. The main attraction though, and the one that actually didn’t look that bad was a big Hatsune Miku figure, or as it said on the box, ‘Matsune Hiku’ the famous ‘Wocaloid’. They’d laughed about it and Dan made galaxy brain jokes (because ‘Woke’, get it?) and probably because of it were talked into getting it by the very persuasive vendor.

“Why don’t you take a nice little Cintamani stone, lads?”

“Um, we’re good with the figure, sir, thank you.” Phil said, smiling awkwardly but the man kept insisting and turned to Dan who just wanted to get the hell out there.

“Okay, we’ll get it. How much is it?”

“Oh no, it’s service. You can take it for free.” The man said and Dan looked puzzled at him “It may be a fun experience to you.” He looked at Dan in the eyes and Dan blinked, a little confused but reached his hand to get the stone “Just be very careful.”

Dan had called bullshit right away but pocketed the stone.

Phil had an odd feeling about it, though.

As much as he liked mysteries and the occult, getting that shiny Cintamani stone from the odd street vendor for free made him feel a bit queasy. However, since the weather was abnormally sunny on that mid-September afternoon, he didn’t think much of it since everyone was probably feeling queasy as well. If the sweat stains and the flushed cheeks all around and the complaints about that ‘dreadful heat’ were anything to go by, that is. Phil also didn’t like the stuffy London heat and naturally had expressed his discomfort to Dan who had shared his own discomfort in return. The stone was mostly forgotten in Dan’s pocket until they got in a Starbucks to get some iced coffee to have in because they A/C was lovely and if they’d gone outside, they’d better enjoy the free A/C while at it before heading back home with their eccentric Portobello market haul.

“We should have just ordered it off the internet, I could have lived two days with no computer” Dan complained when they sat down in a corner of the Starbucks where thankfully nobody really seemed to know who they were (or if they did, they didn’t care, which was about as good).

They’d been sipping in silence after looking up what that stone was supposed to be before Dan spoke again.

“I need a shower as soon as we get home.” He paused looking at “ _Phil_ ” he called, noticing that he was staring blankly at him without really listening as sometimes happened when his mind drifted somewhere else. He finally blinked and shook his head a bit.

“Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What did you say?” He apologised before sipping on his coffee. Dan sighed and shrugged as he sipped on his own coffee.

(It’s kind of obvious that each got their own cup, but it’d have been pretty funny, if they’d decided to share. Pretty stupid, also. Literally one of the dumbest stereotypically romantic things you can do. _‘Oh but you look into each other’s eyes while sipping from the same cup_!’ Sure. You also have half a drink like a moron. If you want to look into someone else’s eyes, just go for it, you don’t need excuses.

 _Anyway._ )

“Nothing important. Just complaining about how sweaty I am.” Dan said. Phil scrunched his nose and nodded.

“I regret not wearing something darker” he confessed with a small sigh. Dan chuckled looking at the very visible sweat stains on his armpit area “Bad day for light blue.” Phil smiled seeing that Dan was amused “Should have sprayed a whole can of Lynx like that kid at the store. How would you feel about that?”

“I would make you sleep outside if you did that.” Dan chortled heartily and Phil laughed too.

“I do feel gross though. I may take a shower when we get home.”

“That’s what I was saying.” Dan snorted “While you were spaced out.”

“Oh, then you can go first.”

“We have two showers, Phil.” Dan reminded him with a snort as he got rid of the lid of his cup and drank directly from it. Phil followed his example without really thinking. Sipping took too long and it was getting late.

“Ah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m feeling a little weird, bit queasy, I don’t know. Maybe it’s this weather.” Phil told him and sighed a bit “What are gonna have for dinner?”

“Dunno.” Dan shrugged “Don’t feel like cooking, though.”

Phil didn’t expect him to and grinned.

“Cooking _dough_? I think you _knead_ that.” He joked and Dan winced before chuckling.

“That was so bad. I can’t believe I let it happen.” He shook his head and Phil snickered “We should get going. It’s getting late and we got lots of shit to carry.” He sighed as he grabbed his phone from the table and pocketed it. It plonked against something hard he had in his pocket “What’s that?” He frowned and put the phone back on the table before reaching inside his pocket to get it out “Oh, it’s this thing.” He snorted and Phil stared at the shiny grey stone with a clear edge “ _The Wishing Stone_ ” he parroted what the Wikipedia article said “what a scam.”

“You don’t know that” Phil countered. Dan pursed his lips, tilting his head to the side “you don’t! That man sounded like he knew things.” Phil defended “What if it’s really a wishing stone like it said on Wikipedia?”

“Yeah, Wikipedia, that incredibly reliable source.” He scoffed “And the stone we got for as a freebie with our brand new _Matsune Hiku_ figure.” He pointed at the bag for emphasis “That man was just trying to spook us, Phil.”

“You enjoy browsing Wikipedia and learn things from it, Dan.”

“I do, but only to kill time and stop overthinking.” Dan reminded him and pocketed both the stone and his phone “I don’t believe in this stuff, sorry. I respect you and everyone who does, but I don’t.”

“You shouldn’t have taken it, then. You know, beliefs are powerful. If enough people believe in something, it might become true through everyone’s combined energies.” Phil stated, a little heated and Dan made a face “Words are powerful, Dan, and so are beliefs.”

“Well, I’ll give you that one. Words really are powerful. Let’s get out of here, before we start shouting at each other like crazy people.” Dan snorted and Phil made a face, pocketing his own phone and grabbing his cup “Don’t forget the bags.”

Phil got them from the floor and Dan double checked to see if they didn’t leave anything behind before they stepped back into the hellish heat. Dan called an Uber to get them home after struggling to use his phone with all the bags.

“I wasn’t gonna start shouting at you.” Phil told him as they waited, a little upset. Dan smacked him lightly on the arm and cracked a little smile.

“I know but we’d raise our voices and that’s bad in public.” He said and Phil hummed. Right, he had a point “You know we do when the subject’s interesting.”

Phil chuckled and sighed, clutching the bags to make sure they were still there.

“You’re right.” He said and Dan snorted.

“I know I am.”

“I still stand by what I said.”

“I know you do. So do I.” Dan smiled and Phil smiled too. They had agreed to disagree about the existence of supernatural forces and other such things that weren’t supported by science a long time ago. Dan always won though because for one, Zodiac signs were a bunch of vague bullshit to trick fools and that was easily proved by analysing the language. Phil gave him that one because sure enough, he knew he was right about the vague language. Then science tended to have explanations for most strange phenomena and Phil ended up relenting and accepting science.

_Still._

He believed that there had to be stuff out there because there were things that science couldn’t explain. There were way too many mysterious and unexplained phenomena and events being reported by people around the world every day for it all to be fake. Dan still didn’t buy it but fully respected Phil’s beliefs, which was good enough.

The Uber finally arrived and they got in, greeted the driver, politely refused the snacks he was offering them and had a silent Uber trip back home. Talking in strangers’ cars was always awkward anyway and they weren’t exactly extroverts who loved small-talk, now, were they?

(They’d been pressured into buying a bootleg Hatsune Miku figure. If that wasn’t peak panicked introvert behaviour, they didn’t know what was.

It’d been 10 quid though. A bit much, honestly, for something that would melt if left near a heater, but it was quite nice for something fake.)

* * *

They ended up ordering Indian takeout because Dan was still having a blast teasing Phil about the stone and the Cintamani stone was supposed to be a powerful relic in Hindu and Buddhist traditions. He won rock, paper, scissors so Phil had to accept it, in the good spirit of democracy.

After their shower they sat on the sofa in their pyjamas. Or Phil, at least, was wearing pyjamas’ bottoms and a t-shirt. Dan only had his underwear and had a t-shirt on because it was too hot, and he barely slept in pyjamas anyway. Especially when it was just the two of them.

(He was wearing a t-shirt mostly because he felt like a 65-year-old man who fishes on Sundays with his mate Albie and ends up eating at Wetherspoon’s every time to drown the sorrows of not catching a single fish.

Anyway.)

The windows were flung open because the night was still hot from the day and they didn’t want to spend extra on the electricity bill when they could just open the window and burn some anti-insect candles. The odd stone they’d gotten joined the rest of the odd objects they already had on the TV stand where the candles also were, giving the stone an eerie glow.

(If you haven’t tried the citronella candles, you should. It’s a good, non-toxic insect repellent.

 _Matsune Hiku_ , the _Wocaloid,_ was also there in all her resin glory, sniffing the scented candles.)

They smelled lemony and, while that wasn’t a bad smell, Phil decided to burn an amber scented candle too. The combined warmth of the earthy, honey-like scent of amber with the freshness of the citronella candle made them feel a bit sleepy, but in a good way.

It was good to be inside again, not having to see anybody else but one another, finally safe.

While they waited, Dan tested his new laptop and sure enough, it was working perfectly. He checked his social media after logging in to all of them, scrolled for a bit, got visibly upset and shut it down. His good mood provided by the banter about the _totally-not-a-scam_ stone ebbed away like the seawater before a tsunami that came crashing down on him and drowned him in the thoughts he’d been trying to push back for months.

He put the laptop on the coffee table and left it there before huffing and leaning against the pillows of their sofa, rubbing his face with both hands.

“Fuck...” He cussed under his breath and huffed.

“I know it’s hard, but don’t let it bother you. People who don’t respect your decision to step back and work on your stuff aren’t people whose opinion matters anyway.” Phil told him for the umpteenth time.

“They’re right though, I does sound like I don’t give a shit about my fans.” Dan said quietly and clicked his tongue, huffing as he rubbed his eyes over his tightly shut eyelids “I’m scared, Phil. What if I’m making a mistake and setting myself up for failure?”

Phil rubbed his arm, comfortingly and smiled a bit.

“I understand your fears, you know I do” Phil assured him, again, for the umpteenth time but he would keep saying it as many times as the subject was brought up “you’re a perfectionist, you have your insecurities as I have mine, you think all your success is just a fluke and not the product of hard-work and talent.” He echoed what Dan had vented to him dozens of time “But see, that’s just your brain trying to sabotage you, love. It’s not the truth.”

Dan sighed and shook his head before snorting.

“Tell me why you still put up with me. Yeah, yeah, I know I put up with you eating my cereal and being an airhead and all that mildly annoying stuff but that’s nothing compared to what I put you through with my shit.” Dan blurted out and Phil looked at him, not bothering to hide how upset he felt hearing that and even less bothered to voice his feelings.

“You really need me to tell you why we’re together? Is that what you’re asking me? Because if it is, I’m sorry, but it upsets me. I’m very sure of my feelings and I’m glad I can help you deal with your problems, Dan.”

“Please don’t do that.” Dan pleaded, regretting what he’d said impulsively “I’m sorry, I wasn’t fucking thinking. I’m also sure of my feelings, I’m sorry. Really…” he put his hand on Phil’s thigh and gave it a light squeeze, giving him a pleading look “ _really.”_ He repeated and Phil sighed before pursing his lips, looking at him before shaking his head and smiling, lighting touching his nose with the tip of his finger. Dan smiled at the cute touch.

“No, _you_ don’t do that.” He countered “I know it’s not your fault, but I’d like you to trust me more, if it’s not too much to ask.”

“Ooh, sassy Philly, I like that” Dan grinned, in an attempt to get himself in a better mood, if not for himself, at least for Phil “I’m really sorry.”

Phil was used to Dan’s impulsivity, so he didn’t hold it against him. Plus, it wasn’t the first time he acted like he didn’t deserve what they had which, sure enough, upset Phil, but he understood that his brain didn’t let him think reasonably sometimes.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, but I understand.” Phil smiled and Dan let him lean onto his shoulder after he grabbed the controller and flicked through the shows on Crunchyroll mindlessly. Neither of them had any ideas of what they should watch while eating. Dan stopped flicking and just switched it to YouTube.

“I don’t feel like watching anything.” Dan snorted and Phil had to chuckle too because neither did he and he didn’t have to say it for Dan to know “Why don’t we watch Hatsune Miku videos?” He chortled and wrote it on the search bar. Phil rolled his eyes and shook his head. Someone rang the doorbell just as he was finishing.

“Probably the food.” Phil said getting up to go get it.

They didn’t need to rock, paper, scissors to decide who’d go get the food considering that only one of them had a full set of clothes on. Then they watched several Hatsune Miku MVs, the top ones mostly, while eating their Indian takeout until they reached a song with an odd title,

“ _The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku_.” Dan read and snorted “Interesting title. What’s that about?” Phil shrugged.

“I dunno. I’m not an expert on Hatsune Miku songs. Seems very popular though.” He said and choked a bit on the spicy food before reaching for his soda “Ugh, so spicy.” Dan looked for one with subtitles and hit play.

The video started with Miku looking a bit lost in a grey room saying ‘just one more time, please’ before it changed completely, and she started singing insanely fast. So fast, in fact, that they could barely keep up with the subtitles at first.

(And they were used to subtitles, mind. They weren’t cowards who watched dubbed anime.

Or were scared of foreign films with subtitles.

 _Anyway_.)

The bits they could catch though, seemed to indicate feelings of inadequacy and identity crisis. That was shown by presenting the character in different outfits and styles, probably alluding to the fact that Hatsune Miku didn’t have a fixed personality. She was simply a voice synthesiser with a face and each user gave her a different persona based on their own lyrics or concept. It seemed, however, that she wanted to keep singing and that singing was what made her what she was, despite not having a personality. Her purpose was to sing and make people feel things, despite the void that was her existence.

Dan was staring at the screen and didn’t even notice when his food ended until his fork scraped the bottom of the takeout box.

“Um…” he said vaguely, putting the box on the coffee table “I need to look at those lyrics. I couldn’t keep up with them.” He snorted and Phil looked at him, a bit worried, putting his takeout box inside Dan’s and looking at him. He’d caught the bits and bobs of the lyrics as well and while he didn’t particularly relate, he knew Dan would and that scared him.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just… well…” he trailed off as he googled the lyrics on genius and read them in silence getting more and more shocked as he kept going “okay, wow.”

“Let me see.” Phil asked and Dan passed him the phone. He read the lyrics too and understood why Dan was so shook. He felt a weight in his chest and didn’t like it. Those lyrics were pretty much how Dan felt about his own art, his career and his life but in different words and with different references “You’re not a computer programme, Dan.”

“Yeah, but I’m quickly getting obsolete because I, I’m just taking too long and it’s been too long already.” He snorted and sighed before pressing play again and staring at the screen “And I barely exist outside of the internet because I don’t have a real personality. My ‘personality’ is just a bunch of things pieced together to create the semblance of an actual personality.”

“You do have a personality.” Phil countered “Don’t be silly.”

“What makes you so sure of that? What makes you so sure that the face I show you is the real me?”

Phil put the phone on the coffee table and looked at him.

“This again.”

“Answer the question.” Dan dared with a snort and Phil huffed looking at him.

“Alright, I will.” He said and started enumerating “You’re not scared to tell me off, you’re not embarrassed of doing anything in front of me, you complain about shit I do that you don’t like, you talk shit about people you don’t like to me, and I could keep going. That’s being real to me.” Phil answered but not without getting upset. _Again_ “You don’t do that with anyone else.”

Dan looked at him in silence and he really wanted to say something to that, argue against it, but he realised that he couldn’t. Phil was right. He was comfortable to do and say whatever when it was just the two of them, which sometimes led to impulsive, hurtful comments targeting himself that naturally hurt Phil in the process.

He sighed shakily before snorting and looking at Phil.

“I just keep saying things that hurt you, don’t I?”

“They hurt both of us” Phil corrected “but I’d rather you say them than bottle them up.” He said without missing a beat “I mean that. Yes, they hurt, but that’s what being a _companion_ means, Dan. Through thick and thin.” He smiled and Dan managed a smile back and he wanted to say something, anything, but he didn’t know what to say. The smile meant that he agreed but he was bad at expressing his emotions in his own words, so he reached for his phone again and looked for something close to what he wanted to say.

And he did of course.

 _“One by one”_ he started reading the verses and Phil listened in silence “ _my memories start to delete, I’ll never retrieve them, but they’ll never take away my memories of you. Times that we laughed and the fun things we used to do. All I can hope, is that you won’t forget them too.”_ He paused and looked at Phil who staring at him “ _I can still taste the leeks as they’re good as new.”_ Phil blinked and smiled a little at the ‘leeks’, which didn’t make sense to them but was probably a reference to the running gag of Miku with leeks. They could be replaced with anything, though. What would their ‘leeks’ be? “This is the only uplifting bit.” Dan snorted “Sorry I’m not using my words… you know I’m bad with that, I just… I kind of feel my memories fuzzing up sometimes but because you’re in most of them” he sighed “they don’t go anywhere.”

“I was getting worried…” Phil confessed but then smiled “and you can be sure that I wouldn’t forget you either, if you disappeared like Miku in the song.”

Dan gave him a look.

“Are you sure?” He teased “You forget stuff all the time. Just this morning you almost forgot your wallet.”

“I don’t forget what really matters.” Phil stated.

“Your wallet matters.” Dan grinned.

“Not as much as you.” Phil stated, dead serious, looking him the eyes “It’s not even comparable, Dan, honestly. I’d rather leave my wallet somewhere, get my credit cards cloned and my identity stolen than forget you. You’re too important to me.”

Dan felt his cheeks warm up and his heart race stupidly at the unexpected serious statement. It would have sounded terribly cheesy if he hadn’t said it so seriously.

“I… I didn’t expect you to say that, especially not so seriously.” Dan said with a huff “I can’t believe I’m getting embarrassed after all these years. God, I hate you and your random affection” He complained looking at Phil and seeing that he was still staring at him, waiting for a proper response “I wish I could disappear for real, like Miku in the song” he said heatedly “just to see if your knack for forgetting your important things doesn’t apply to me, nerd.”

Phil opened his mouth to speak but his thoughts were lost when they heard the thudding sound of something falling on the floor. They looked around and saw that it’d been the Cintamani stone they’d left near the now extinguished candles. A waft of lukewarm, smoky evening breeze blew into the room. The lit candles flickered and were blown out. The stone fell on the floor.

There was silence for a moment as the watched the now still stone lying peacefully on the floor.

“That was weird.” Dan snorted but Phil didn’t like it. _At all._ He felt his chest tighten again. Dan noticed his uneasy look “Oh come on, Phil. Don’t be so ridiculous. It was a scam! The wind made it roll off the stand. Gravity is a thing, you know?”

“And what if, what if it wasn’t a scam?” Phil asked getting up to go get the stone from the floor. He picked it up “It’s warm.”

“Yeah, so is everything. Matsune Hiku is probably ready to become a pile of gooey plastic” he pointed at the bootleg figure “plus, it was sitting between two candles under a TV.” He scoffed and got up, huffing “I swear I respect your beliefs but that’s just ridiculous. Sorry I said that after you said something sweet to me, but that’s just silly.” He picked up their rubbish and took it to the kitchen, disappearing behind the door. Phil knew he was probably right but he felt his heart race when he saw him go in the kitchen “STILL HERE.” Dan shouted and Phil heard him chuckle before seeing him appear again “Wow, look at that. I’m still here!”

“It’s not funny, Dan. I’m actually feeling anxious.” Phil complained going over to the windows to close them.

“Oh, come on, you can’t be serious.” Dan said, appeasing, walking over to him and standing in front of him before reaching his hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat. Phil stared at him in silence until he was done confirming how anxious he was. Dan really thought he was just exaggerating but he knew he wasn’t after feeling his rapid heartbeat and his _definitely hard stare_ , which was completely deserved “I’m an idiot. I didn’t think it would affect you so much.”

Phil breathed heavily and just went in for the hug without much warning. He didn’t really need it, especially not when they were alone standing in front of each other. Dan held him back, pulling him into a tight hug, leaning his head on his shoulder. Phil held him tightly around the torso and leant his own head on Dan’s shoulder. The contact helped ease his stress but didn’t make it go away.

“I’m really sorry, Phil.” Dan repeated, not letting go, still feeling his accelerated heartbeat against his chest and worrying that something might happen to him “Do you want to share a bed tonight?” He asked softly getting away and smiling a little, high-key hating himself for worrying Phil that much and wanting to reassure him.

“That would be nice.” Phil said back, happy that he’d suggested that “Even though it’s too hot. I’d be less scared knowing you’re at arm distance. We can sleep in my bed.”

“Alright.” Dan smiled, feeling like he was ready to shut down and sleep on that bloody day.

He really should have just ordered the computer off the internet instead of having them go outside.

* * *


	2. Parados: Phil Awakes Remembering a Disappeared Online Someone

* * *

The warmth of the previous September day was gone in the morning.

Phil woke up curled up under his duvet. He’d probably pulled it over himself over the night since his body temperature naturally dropped drastically as did the temperature in general. He was warm enough, but he had a massive headache and heard an odd buzzing in his ears, like there was static in the air.

It took him a bit to regain some consciousness and when he did, he realised that he didn’t. His consciousness wasn’t back.

There was nothing there. Nothing at all.

His mind was blank, as if something had been forcibly pulled out of there. He sat up too fast and regretted it immediately. The pain was unbearable, and he couldn’t see anything.

 _Why can’t I see?_ Was the first question that he managed to pull out of his aching head as he clutched his temples and winced. _Why am I here?_ Was the second and finally the one that made him get up and trip over the duvet and fall headfirst on the floor _Who am I?_

He panicked as he rolled onto his back on the cold floor and shivered, staring at the blurry ceiling of the space he could barely see and couldn’t recognise. The panic made his heart race painfully in his chest as he managed to sit on the floor and squint at the duvet.

It was green and he realised with a pang that it was familiar.

“Green, it’s green…” he whispered hoarsely “I know this place…”

That was something. He pulled himself up and sat on the bed again trying to think through the pain and his blurry vision.

_Glasses._

The thought popped into his mind and his eyes darted to the bedside table. He reached for it and frantically felt for his glasses before putting them on his face with shaking hands. He could finally see and that gave him very literal clarity. He looked around the room and realised that everything was familiar so that answered the question of why he was there – he was supposed to be there. He got up a little wobbly but steady enough to walk and looked at the bed. It was messy and the duvet was on the floor but both sides had sweat marks.

Someone else was there with him, sleeping with him but they were no longer there. Maybe they’d gone somewhere. He opened the door to leave the room and realised that he knew where he was. He knew that apartment because he lived there. Right, that was good.

His headache was making him feel faint as was the buzzing in his ears, but he needed to know what was happening, so he kept going. His feet took him to the other bedroom of the apartment. He swung open the door to a very monochromatic room that smelled and looked familiar. His heart hammered against his ribs making him feel even dizzier as he quietly walked into it and stood in the middle, looking at his surroundings. Those weren’t his belongings, he felt, but they were familiar. It was only when his eyes stopped on a Muse record on the desk that everything flooded into his mind at once and he almost fell over.

He remembered who he was and by remembering who he was he also remembered the man he shared his life with.

 _“Dan.”_ He croaked out and the buzzing in his ears became unbearable for a second before it stopped “Dan.” He repeated as the memories of the previous day hit him full force and he ran out of the room almost tripping over his own bare feet twice in the process.

He hoped Dan had been right. That it was all a scam, that there was no way that could be a real, that magic wasn’t real and neither were wishing stones. That they’d gotten that stone from a man who’d sold them a bootleg Hatsune Miku figure. Maybe his sudden memory loss was because of his massive headache. Yeah, that was an explanation. His doctor told him as much at one point. Maybe Dan was in the kitchen or something, already up (he had no idea what time it was). Maybe he was going to say something like ‘I’m here, don’t worry’ and smile like he’d done the previous night. He hoped with everything he had that that was the case but something, deep down, told him it wasn’t.

He looked in the bathrooms first, then the gaming room and finally the kitchen where he also wasn’t.

The living room was the only place he needed to check, and his heart was racing, hoping he’d be there but knowing that he wouldn’t.

People tend to like being right save for the times when they have bad feelings. That was one of those times.

Dan wasn’t there and Phil knew he hadn’t gone anywhere.

He wouldn’t have done that to him, not after what had happened the previous night, he wouldn’t. Even if he’d relapsed, he wouldn’t do that to him. He’d hide in his room instead and he’d already looked there.

He felt empty and at a loss as he walked into the living room and over to where he’d left that dreadful stone, he picked it up and sure enough, it was warm despite how cold it was now.

All his life, Phil had wanted a proper sign that magic was real, that there was something out there that science couldn’t explain. It was finally there, that sign, and he hated it. Why not give him a bag of magic powder that made you fly!?

“Fuck you” he cussed at the Cintamani stone “fuck you a million times.” He raised his voice and looked at the smiling bootleg Hatsune Miku figure “And you gave him the idea!” He grabbed the cursed figure as well and stared at it. It seemed to be staring at him with that cheeky still smile.

He sighed deeply and walked around the coffee table and sat on the sofa, staring at both objects in his hands, trying to think reasonably, which was hard with no breakfast or coffee.

So, Dan had disappeared but all his things were still there. His bedroom was there, untouched. There was the mark of his physical existence on his bed, so it wasn’t like he’d never existed. That was good. Maybe it meant that he could find a way to reverse the wish. How though?

_The song._

His eyes darted to the table where he realised with a pang that Dan’s phone still was, right where he’d left it the previous night. He put the figure and the Cintamani stone on the table and picked it up with shaking fingers. He looked at the screen and realised that it was still on and the battery didn’t seem to have run out.

It was stuck on the lyrics page and he couldn’t click away from it. The hope he felt was a bit uncalled for considering the gravity of the situation but that was a probably a clue.

“Please, please don’t be literal” he pleaded reading the verses,

_“I'm ending everything I know_

_Screaming out in pain, might as well rip out my throat_

_Much too fast, I will sing and cry, this is my goodbye”_

No, no, no. It couldn’t be literal, it couldn’t be. The clue had to be something else. He read and reread the lyrics frantically trying to look for something, anything, that would give him a hint to how to bring Dan back. He realised that thinking on an empty stomach and no coffee really was a bad idea. An aspirin was also in line because his head really was killing him. He stood up clutching Dan’s phone and walked to the kitchen to get his breakfast and as the water for his coffee boiled in the kettle he went to the bathroom where among other things, he splashed his face with cold water to clear his mind a bit. Then he got a sweater from his room and went back to the kitchen.

“That’s better…” he mumbled after the first sip of coffee after eating some cereal “Okay, now think, Phil.” He pep-talked himself and stared at the screen of Dan’s phone again “This won’t do” he shook his head and got up with his coffee to get a notebook and a pen along with his own phone. He wrote down the lyrics, not letting go of Dan’s phone, as soon as he got back to the kitchen. Dan’s phone shut down as soon as he very much stabbed the paper with the last full stop.

“I guess you were suffering using energy that doesn’t exist. Thank you.” Phil commented quietly as he inspected the lyrics and finished his coffee.

“This can’t be literal. It just can’t” he said aloud “Dan is a human being, not a voice synthesiser.” He said and got up, putting the mug and his empty cereal bowl in the dishwasher before going back to the living room to join the stone and bootleg Miku. He sat down and stared at the figure “I guess you’re about as real as any official figure…” he mumbled at the smiling figure “since there isn’t a real you…”

He sighed and focused on the lyrics again, finally able to concentrate after his breakfast and an aspirin.

There were several verses that just reflected some of Dan’s thoughts so he ignored those because he figured that they wouldn’t be clues on how to bring him back from wherever he’d disappeared to. Hoping that he was getting the right verses he wrote on a different page the circled verses into a single text swapping the references to music with more accurate ones,

_“I’ll keep performing until destroyed. I am an entertainer. If for example the thing performing was just a toy that would echo back what you wanted to hear, I’d think that was alright. But even so, it’ll disappear, that I know._

_The world is ending for me. I’m an entertainer. Even when I wasn’t feeling well, you were always there for me. You kept me by your side, you always encouraged me._

_Heart is exhausted and weak but I’m not afraid. All I can do now is watch as I fade away._

_I’m just a kid, I don’t know what you want from me._

_Guess this what they call the recycling bin._

_One by one my memories start to delete, I’ll never retrieve them but they’ll never take away my memories of you. Times that we laughed and the fun things we used to do. All I can hope is that you won’t forget them too. I can still taste the leeks as if they’re new._

_If I tried saying how I feel, would that reach you before I disappeared?_

_This is the end of me. Soon I won’t know I’m gone. Fading away from here until there’s nothing left. It’s so pathetic, isn’t it? Now that I think of, only the memories of my voice will remain. You might forget me but please don’t forget my name. If that alone came true I could rest in peace. Lasting forever like how it was supposed to be. This is the end now but I like to think that someday, even if I die, my videos will still remain.”_

He read it and double-checked with the full lyrics to make sure there wasn’t something there he’d missed and hoping he hadn’t since that was all very much a gamble.

“Please give me a sign that this is right.” He pleaded to the Miku figure and picking up the warm stone which felt warmer then, “Well, I’ll take that…” he said uncertainly and put the stone back on the table. He grabbed his own phone and decided to just look up the song again, facts about it, anything.

The Vocaloid fandom wikia said that that song ended up becoming one of the most popular Hatsune Miku songs, ironically enough shooting the character into stardom and making the number of fans grow exponentially.

“You hear that, Dan?” He asked aloud, hoping that if the song was accurate, Dan was watching “This song made Hatsune Miku incredibly popular. She didn’t become obsolete. Everyone who loved her still wanted to hear her sing, even with all, with all those different faces. Singing was what made her exist” he sniffled a bit and shook his head “I’ll get you back. I’ll get you back even if it’s the last thing I do.”

He didn’t know what his next move should be. He wondered if the disappearance meant, as the song implied, being forgotten even though he’d been right about not forgetting him.

Ringing their friends and family was a good place to start so he started with the most obvious.

His own mum.

“Phil?” His mum said instead of a greeting as soon as she picked up the phone “What’s wrong? It’s 10 in the morning on a Saturday.”

Ah, so it was.

“Yeah, mum, sorry about that… were you still sleeping?”

“No, I wasn’t, I’m just surprised you aren’t either.” She said back and that was a fair point so he kind of ignored it since he hadn’t called for small-talk.

“Um, yeah, I’m not because something happened” he said and heard her gasp. His hopes that she’d ask if something had happened to Dan.

“Oh dear, what happened? Did you hurt yourself? Are you in hospital again?!” She asked and he quickly reassured her.

“No, no! I’m fine, I’m okay, mum. Not hurt anywhere” he said and she breathed “it’s just that, that” he opened his mouth to say Dan’s name but the sound wouldn’t come out. He felt all the blood drain from his face “that… oh my God, I can’t say it!”

His mum worried.

“You can say what, dear? You’re worrying me!”

“My…” he couldn’t refer to Dan in any way. All the possible ways to refer to him wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He couldn’t even say ‘the person I live with’ “something happened and I can’t, I can’t say it… I don’t know why!” He panicked and tried to think of a way to work around that without referring to Dan directly “Um, what do I do for a living, mum?”

His mum didn’t respond for a full five seconds.

“Honey, did you hit your head?”

“That’s not it, mum, please answer the question.” He pleaded and she made a noise of slight worry before finally answering.

“You make videos for YouTube. And you do shows and, and you had that show on BBC Radio 1.”

“Was I alone in all that?” Phil asked and almost cried that he was able to say that. His mum fell silent for well over half a minute “Are you still there, mum?”

“I, I am… I just, I don’t remember.” She said quietly, not hiding the worry in her voice “And I think I should.”

“Something very strange happened with a wishing stone, mum” he said, not caring to hide it, especially because she was catching on as well “it was a dumb wish but it came true and it took… it took a part of me away.” His voice faltered “Made it disappear but not, but not completely.”

His mum was silent for a moment again.

“I’m sorry I can’t, I’m sorry I don’t know what’s going on and can’t help” she said “I hope you can get it back… what was taken away.”

“Thanks, mum… I’ll, I guess I’ll call you when I, when I get it back.” He said.

“Okay, love, please be careful, okay? Don’t forget to call me.”

And they hung up. Phil put his phone back on the table and covered his face with both hands, propping his elbows on his thighs. He breathed heavily, feeling his chest ache and tighten again.

He could say his name but only to himself. Why the hell was that!?

“That’s not fair!” He exclaimed at the figure and the stone, that seemed to be scorning him from the table. He grabbed his phone again to shakily check Dan’s socials.

They were there but they were fuzzy and glitching and he couldn’t reach them. His Instagram straight up didn’t open, and his YouTube channel was blurred up and his face and name weren’t visible. He didn’t harbour any hopes of finding anything else but when he checked Twitter and opened his mentions, he saw that he should have been more hopeful. His heart raced again.

There were distressed people there, scared people, people speaking in all caps.

[PHIL, SOMETHING’S NOT RIGHT!!!]

[I feel like I’m forgetting something and it’s related to you but I don’t know what it is. I’m scared]

[I knew this weather change was a bad omen but I didn’t think I’d actually be here freaking out without knowing why. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. Sorry.]

[WHAT’S HAPPENING. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG]

[I FEEL LIKE I’M FORGETTING SOMETHING IMPORTANT BUT DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. HELP. IM GOING CRAZY.]

There were dozens of messages like that. Phil, who wasn’t a crier, couldn’t hold back his tears as they started running freely down his face as he clutched his phone and sobbed like he hadn’t in ages.

They remembered Dan.

They didn’t know they remembered but they did. They remembered that they were forgetting Dan, they just didn’t know who they were forgetting.

“You’re not, you’re not fading! See!?” He exclaimed, rubbing his eyes on his sleeve after shakily taking off his glasses “They remember you! They don’t know, they don’t know they do, but they do! And they’re scared! Oh my God… what am I going to do?” He panicked and grabbed the notebook after putting his glasses back on and looked for more hints, anything that would bring Dan back, but it was all very bleak and indicated that he needed to work fast.

“I won’t forget you.” He said, angrily “I said I wouldn’t, and I won’t, no matter how ominous this bloody song is.” He was speaking both to the disembodied Dan and the Miku statue “Or how powerful you are!” He said to the stone, and sure enough he felt dumb for speaking to objects and someone he couldn’t see but he was terrified and literally couldn’t vent to anyone.

He wrote his name in big capital letters on two pages of the notebook, almost ripping the paper from how hard he pressed the paper with the pen.

“There! I will not forget your name, even if everyone else does!” He exclaimed and closed the notebook before getting up to go get dressed and leave the house again, since all quests start by going outside, as both he and Dan knew.

* * *


	3. Episode: Everything Phil is Seeing outside Dan’s Existence

* * *

Dan felt himself disappear.

One moment he was asleep, the next he no longer had a physical body. His physical existence had been replaced with a glitched version of itself, colourful and fuzzed up but definitely not there.

He didn’t panic though. Not in the usual sense. How could he? Since he no longer had a body, he could no longer feel anything on a physical level. Everything was emotions now which were raw and overwhelming in a way he couldn’t quite describe. It was as if he could feel nothing and everything at once. He sat on the edge of Phil’s bed and looked silently at his glitchy, fuzzy hands before getting up to look in the mirror.

It was freaky to see himself spark and glitch in white with his own eyes but again, he didn’t feel anxious on a physical level, so it wasn’t necessarily bad. He looked back at the bed where Phil was still sleeping, curled up under his duvet and wondered if he’d be able to see him when he woke up. Then he thought that maybe he was just dreaming and that the whole wishing stone shit had just gotten into his mind so hard that he’d dreamt about it in a really weird way. Trying to pinch himself to check if he could feel pain was useless, given that he didn’t have a real body to pinch so he kind of just waited to wake up.

He sat on the bed again. It was 3am. He looked at the time and watched it pass in silence while trying to get himself to wake up.

Many hours passed but it felt like no time had passed. It was half-past 8am when Phil stirred on the bed and there were no signs of himself waking up so he tried to call him.

“Phil.”

Nothing.

Phil stayed there not moving for a moment before he saw him sit up and wince in pain. Okay, so Phil was feeling pain, that didn’t mean it wasn’t a dream anyway.

 _“PHIL!”_ He called louder and saw Phil panic and get up from the bed before tripping over the duvet and falling painfully on the floor “Oh my God, are you okay!?”

No response. He couldn’t hear him. He was just lying there looking blankly at the ceiling, breathing heavily like he was scared of something.

“Fuck this! I want to wake up!” Dan said loudly and his anger cut deep but with no body there were no flushed cheeks or racing heart. He just felt it, red and glitchy, almost unbearable “PHIL! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!”

He tried to touch Phil but his hands passed right through him. Phil sat up and squinted at his bedding and whispered.

“Green… it’s green. I know this place…”

Dan’s fear, glitching white, in that disembodied state was even worse than the anger. It was overwhelming and made him scream.

Phil had lost his memories. All of them. Why hadn’t he just forgotten him?

“I’M RIGHT HERE, GODDAMMIT! LET ME WAKE UP. ISN’T FEAR A WAY TO WAKE UP!?” He shouted at the of his non-existent lungs watching as Phil seemed to calm down and put his glasses on. A good sign. Then he saw him look at the other side of the bed, where Dan with a body had been peacefully sleeping until a few hours ago. The marks of his body were still there, and he could tell that Phil noticed that too because he looked hopeful and darted out of the room which made Dan fear for his safety seeing him almost trip twice on his own bare feet.

Dan followed him and saw him beeline into his bedroom which filled him with a hope so pure he almost sung in glee. He was still fixed that that was a weirdly long and emotional dream but deep down he just wanted Phil’s promise to remember him if he actually disappeared to be a solid one (unlike himself at that moment).

He stood behind him as he slowly walked into his room and looked around, like he knew the place but couldn’t remember who it belonged to.

“Phil! I’m right here!” He exclaimed and then he saw Phil’s eyes fall on the Muse record he’d left on his desk and never moved, and Phil gasped and covered his mouth, widening his eyes and for a moment he said but then,

“Dan.” He whispered and Dan’s fear, all of his overwhelmingly raw emotions, calmed down and he no longer feared “Dan.” Phil repeated louder, a bit shakily.

 _Muse_ , one of the first things they’d bonded over.

That’s what had made him remember. Dan noticed his glitches become blue.

“Yes, I’m right here, Phil.” He said quietly, snorting. Still trying to talk his ghostly mind into believing that that was all a dream but finally accepting that it wasn’t. There was no way it could be. He’d have woken up by then “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was a sceptic asshole. What a mess.”

 _«Oh, so you finally accepted it! »_ He heard a sweet, yet amused robotic voice say, and looked around to see that none other than Hatsune Miku herself was there, grinning cutely at him _«Congratulations, Mr Daniel Asshole! It took you quite a bit, didn’t it? I’m not surprised! »_

Dan stared at her. He could understand her clearly despite the Japanese accent because she was speaking slowly. She was wearing a kawaii Steampunk aesthetics inspired outfit. The only way to recognise her was really her cute anime face and the trademark long, bluish pigtails.

Why was she there though?

He didn’t respond to her insulting greeting lines in that very cute Japanese accent robotic voice and followed Phil out of the room with her giggling and skipping behind him as they watched Phil look in every other room. Dan didn’t have to guess that he was looking for him, especially not when he saw his defeated look when he checked the living room and started padding slowly to where that damn stone and the bootleg Miku figure was.

 _«He looks sad! »_ She said, way too happily and Dan looked at her. Her outfit had changed and she was now wearing a goth Lolita dress completed with platform boots _«And so do you! »_

“Yeah, no shit.” Dan scoffed, finally addressing the very rude Kawaii anime girl. She giggled and did a little twirl in her outfit and it became a long white, princess-like dress “Why the hell do your outfits keep changing?”

Not the right question to ask a 3D animated character that had just materialised in his living room but the question he asked anyway.

(Did it matter in context though? Probably not.)

On that moment Phil picked up the stone and cussed it out.

“Fuck you, fuck you a million times.” He growled before aggressively grabbing the bootleg figure which made the 3D, ridiculously short version of it standing beside Dan giggle wildly “And you gave him the idea!” Phil exclaimed and she was having a blast beside Dan. The robotic sound of it made it sound creepy as fuck.

“Will you stop that?” Dan said, angrily “This shit isn’t funny. He’s right!”

She wiggled a small finger and shook her cute little head making her pigtails move in an unnaturally graceful way.

 _«Nu-uh, Mr Daniel, you did this yourself! »_ She winked at him and grinned _«You didn’t believe and made a reckless wish! All of it because you couldn’t express your feelings!_ » She accused in a much too cloying and amused robot voice.

“I can never express my damn feelings! He knows that, we’ve been together for over 10 years!” Dan yelled angrily and the rage felt too powerful then, his glitchy existence flickered red “It’s fine that I don’t, because he knows how I feel, I, I’ve told him, we… why the fuck am I telling you this?” He scoffed, positively incensed by that damn demon who had just gotten a new outfit – an angel with matching wings, just to fuck with him, no doubt – and was grinning “You’re not even real.”

 _«Oh, is that bothering you? »_ She asked, with a faux-innocent look _«I thought you felt the same way about yourself, like you didn’t have a real face or a real personality like me! »_

Dan wanted to physically attack her but Phil sitting on the sofa and grabbing his own phone that he’d left there grabbed his attention, so he focused on that instead, hoping that he’d find a way to fix that mess somehow.

He went to where he was and sat beside him looking at the phone. The screen was still on and the song was there. It still had battery somehow, which was surprising.

 _«Don’t be so surprised, Mr Daniel »_ The giggling, now in a cute demon outfit, Miku sat on the coffee table beside her bootleg figure _«I’m a computer programme! »_

Dan looked at her as Phil inspected the lyrics.

“You’re trying to help?” He asked suspiciously and she grinned and nodded vehemently “Doesn’t sound like it, from how much you’re trying to piss me off.”

«Oh, I’m sorry, Mr Daniel! I felt that you needed to be get a grip! » She said smiling «But I am trying to help you! You don’t belong here, in the zeroes and ones realm! You’re a real person even though your career is on the internet! »

Dan was going to say something but heard Phil plead desperately,

“Please, please don’t be literal” and wondered what he was talking about because he didn’t read it aloud so he peered onto his phone’s screen to read the verses that started with ‘I’m ending everything now’.

“Oh, Phil…” he mumbled watching his eyes well-up but unable to cry himself despite the sadness and guilt he felt being painful in a way that couldn’t be described. His whole existence turned into whatever emotion he was feeling, basically and that was awful in every possible way “It’s not, it’s not literal, I wouldn’t do that…”

He watched Phil shake his head and then get up. He followed him instantly and Hatsune Miku now in a kawaii army uniform skipped behind them as Phil went to the kitchen to start the kettle and then went to the bathroom.

“Hey!” Dan said to her Phil walked in “You stay there. Give him some damn privacy!”

 _«Will you go in, Mr Daniel? »_ She asked with a grin and Dan squinted at her and crossed his arms.

“No, I’ll stay here to prevent your sleazy kawaii ass from going in.” He declared, angrily and glitching red. They heard Phil flush and then run the tap. He walked out, still dripping a bit of water from his hair, and they followed him back into the kitchen where he poured himself a cup of coffee and made some cereal. _Dan’s_ cereal.

 _«Does that upset you? »_ Hatsune Miku, now in a pink Lolita dress asked and Dan glanced down at the tiny 3D anime girl.

“No, it doesn’t. I’m not even really here to eat my damn cereal and he needs it. He can’t function without coffee and on an empty stomach.” He said as Phil sat down at the breakfast bar to eat and then start drinking his coffee.

“That’s better” he heard him say before seeing him grab the phone again to look at the song. Dan smiled a little “Okay, now think, Phil.” Phil said to himself and Dan’s joy, looking at him was the emotion that struck him the hardest from the rollercoaster he’d been through that morning. It was warm and fuzzy and gentle and sweet but not in a ‘butterflies in the stomach’ kind of way. It was a joy he never thought he’d feel again. A joy he remembered from moments of his childhood. It made him glow yellow.

 _«You look happy, Mr Daniel! »_ Hatsune Miku said, smiling up at him _«That’s good to see! »_

“Why does everything feel so strong without a body?” He asked instead and she smiled again.

 _«Because you’re nothing but emotions without it! With a body, you feel other things, I guess. I couldn’t know, you see, I’ve never had a body! »_ She exclaimed happily. Dan found the happiness weird _«Oh, don’t be so surprised! Bodies are terribly inconvenient because they need lots of things and malfunction all the time! Worse than programmes like myself! Also »_ She changed again but this time she became a male-presenting figure which really surprised Dan, who’d never seen the male version of Miku _«I can change however I want! »_ The voice pitch was altered to sound lower and Miku was now taller, but not taller than Dan _«Mikuo is my name in this form. They say I’m my own brother! »_ Mikuo giggled _«Who’s older than me even though he came after me and from me! Isn’t it crazy!? »_

“It’s called sexism.” Dan snorted and saw Mikuo revert back to Miku, shrinking and changing into the trademark Miku outfit with the tattooed ‘01’ on her arm “Guess that’s cool. I still like having a body… well, most of the time I do anyway.” Dan sighed and heard Phil sigh too and say,

“This won’t do” before getting up. Dan followed him with Miku on tow and saw him get a notebook and a pen before going back and starting to write down the lyrics.

“Makes sense.” Dan commented “He’s blind as a mole” he chuckled looking at the sweet man sat at the breakfast bar frantically scribbling down the lyrics. Then he aggressively stabbed the notebook with the pen and Dan watched as his phone shut down.

 _«Finally! »_ Hatsune Miku said, now in a weird colourful hoodie with a monster-like print on the hood _“It was tiring giving it all that energy for so long! »_

“I guess you were suffering using energy that doesn’t exist. Thank you.” They heard Phil say as he inspected the lyrics and finished his coffee.

 _«You’re welcome! »_ Hatsune Miku grinned and Dan looked from Phil to her _«He’s a lot politer than you are! »_

Dan got a bit annoyed by that comment.

“You don’t know the first thing about him. I’m actually quite polite. Just not to annoying anime girls.”

 _«Hey! I’m not annoying, you big meanie! I’m honest! »_ She protested but then grinned and winked _«Except when they make me dishonest and right now, with the freedom your wish gave me, I can be whatever I want! »_

“Then show your appreciation by not mocking the chaotic situation my damn wish put me in.” Dan complained and Phil started talking again.

“This can’t be literal. It just can’t” Phil said aloud, smacking the notebook with his knuckles “Dan is a human being, not a voice synthesiser.” He said and got up to go put his mug and cereal bowl in the dishwasher. Dan and Miku followed him as he went back to the living room to join the stone and bootleg Miku on the table. He sat down and as Dan glanced at very flashy dress Miku was now wearing he heard Phil say to the bootleg Miku “I guess you’re about as real as any official figure…” he mumbled at it “since there isn’t a real you…”

 _«He’s really smart, isn’t he!? »_ Hatsune Miku exclaimed happily and Dan’s new existence didn’t allow hidden feelings, so he smiled too and nodded.

“Yeah, he is.” He said smiling, glowing in a glitchy purple, as he watched him scribble things down on his notebook and motioned over to where he was, sitting beside him again. Miku sat on the table again and seemed to have settled for her default outfit as they watched Phil make a text out of the bits of the lyrics he deemed important “Should he be focusing on the song?” He asked Miku who nodded cutely. Dan’s glitched up body turned white with hope.

 _«Your wish was to disappear like me in the song! »_ She explained _«He’s really very smart! »_

Then Phil was done. Dan quickly looked over at his text in that squiggly handwriting that he knew well and read what he’d written. His glitched, fuzzy existence glowed light blue as he saw that he’d swapped the references for references that reflected Dan’s own reality.

“I feel like one of those nightlights that changes colours” he mumbled and sighed “all I can do now is watch as I fade away, I guess.” He snorted mirthlessly.

“Please give me a sign that this is right.” He heard Phil plead to the figure of Miku standing beside its life-sized version. Life-sized Miku smiled fondly and grabbed the Cintamani stone that Phil grabbed next and sighed before saying “Well, I’ll take that…”

“What did you do?” Dan asked life-sized Miku who smiled at him too.

 _«I made it feel warmer! That’s all I can do. I’m just energy. I exist because people believe I do! »_ She exclaimed and Dan felt a bit attacked.

“I feel like I’m being ganged up on.” He said and she giggled happily, but it was sneaky or mean as he’d thought at first. She was just having fun and realising that made her weird existence grown on Dan “Did he get it right though?”

 _«Mostly »_ she said _«he didn’t miss anything important but some of it doesn’t really matter, I guess he’s thinking of you and how you feel. »_ She smiled fondly and Dan’s overwhelming embarrassment made him turn bright pink, like a very glitchy, massive flamingo. But the implications of it made the pink fade into a mix of blue and pink.

“I’m so sorry…” he mumbled, looking at Phil who was now browsing google on his own phone and reading what seemed to be Vocaloid’s fandom wikia.

“You hear that, Dan?” He asked and smiled, Dan looked at him, startled at being addressed directly “This song made Hatsune Miku incredibly popular. She didn’t become obsolete. Everyone who loved her still wanted to hear her sing, even with all, with all those different faces. Singing was what made her exist.” Dan’s glitchy existence became a whole rainbow of emotions “I’ll get you back” Phil said after a small pause. I’ll get you back even if it’s the last thing I do.”

 _«He’s so cute, isn’t he? »_ Hatsune Miku asked with a smile and Dan sighed deeply.

“He is. He’s adorable and I’m a fool… I’m not even that sceptical I just, fuck, I really messed up this time.” He mumbled and both and Miku watched him grab his phone “He’s calling his mum…”

 _«I’m warning you to be ready, Mr Daniel. »_ Miku said softly and sure enough he was horrified when he realised that Phil couldn’t say his name and watched him struggle to work around it. His mum seemed to remember that something was missing and was also worried about it.

“… it was a dumb wish” he heard Phil say, his glitches became grey “but it came true and it took” he paused “it took a part of me away.” The glitches turned deep blue with slivers of grey “Made it disappear but not, but not completely.”

Dan wished he had a physical body and could cry and get rid of some of that overwhelming sadness.

“I’m so sorry, Phil…” he mumbled and groaned as flashes of red lined his glitchy existence “Fuck! Why couldn’t I be proven wrong in another way!? I don’t want him to be sad!”

Phil hung up the call and Dan saw him cover his face with his shaking hands and breathe heavily before shouting,

“That’s not fair!”

The pain seared through Dan and he shouted as well, incoherently, angrily, flickering red as he stood up wanting to break everything and Miku was silent, watching him pace the room and glowing madly as Phil looked through his phone.

 _«Please, Mr Daniel, don’t lose your temper like that! Look! »_ Hatsune Miku’s robotic voice brought him back a little as Phil looked hopefully at his phone as he scrolled down it before bursting into tears. The mood swings weren’t something Dan wasn’t familiar with but not like that. Dan turned blue almost immediately. Phil seldom cried and when he looked up, they locked eyes, even though Phil couldn’t see him.

“You’re not fading! See!?” Phil exclaimed and showed his phone in his general direction after taking off his glasses and throwing the phone onto the table. Dan motioned closer and read what he meant as he wiped his eyes – lots of people were feeling like Phil’s mum, “They remember you!” Phil said loudly “They don’t know, they don’t know they do, but they do! And they’re scared!” Phil paused a bit “Oh my God… what am I going to do?” He said and the panic in his voice was clear but he got angry and said “I won’t forget you.” He promised and Dan couldn’t bear his own raw emotions searing through his glitchy existence “I said I would, and I won’t, no matter how ominous this bloody song is.” He looked from the general location where Dan was standing to the Miku statue as the life-sized Miku grinned happily “Or how powerful you are!” He glared at the stone.

 _«He’s angry! But not at me or you! »_ Miku giggled and Dan managed a snort. It was just like Phil _«He really is smart! »_

“Oh Phil…” Dan chuckled mirthlessly watching him abuse the notebook to write down DANIEL JAMES HOWELL in massive, shaky capital letters.

“There! I will not forget your name, even if everyone else does!” He exclaimed before getting up with the notebook, the stone and the Miku figure before walking quickly out of the living room.

“Oh no, he’s getting out?”

 _«Yep, seems like it! It’s an adventure! »_ Miku grinned as they followed him.

“Well, suppose he should find the damn dude who gave us the stone.” Dan said and then remembered something he hadn’t noticed yet – he was in his underwear and though nobody could see him, he would know “Shit, I’m not going out like this, am I?”

 _«You’re not really here, Mr Daniel. You’re a bit like me now, existing because people believe you do! You can change your appearance! »_ She said excitedly and to make a point changed to an emo Lolita outfit _«Try it! »_ She urged as Phil went to his room and they stood outside to wait for him to get dressed.

Inspired by her emo outfit he focused on Gerard Way’s outfit in _Welcome to the Black Parade._

 _«Look at that! Well done, Mr Daniel! Very good choice! A kind human made me sing the song of that outfit a while back! »_ Miku clapped happily and Dan looked down at his now a little less glitchy body wearing the iconic _Welcome to the Black Parade_ outfit. He had to laugh at it.

“I could get used to this.” Dan said and Miku shook her head “Just kidding. I want to get my damn body back as soon as possible, no matter how messed up my brain is.”

Then they followed Phil after he came out of his bedroom with a backpack where he’d probably put his belongings along with the figure, the stone and the notebook.

“Does he have his wallet?” Dan worried and Miku reached her hand through the snazzy space-themed backpack.

_«He does! »_

Dan sighed but as Phil rushed to the door, he panicked and glowed white.

“His bloody phone is in the living room! Shit! Can you do something!? Please, he’ll need his damn phone!” He pleaded and watched her clench her fists and tightly shut her eyes. Dan heard the abnormally loud sound of music going off in the living room. It wasn’t Phil’s ringtone and it wasn’t that dreadful ominous song. It sounded like a sweet ballad.

“What’s that?” Phil said and gasped “My phone!”

The song kept going until he reached it and grabbed his phone that was playing a YouTube video with the lyrics.

“From Y to Y.” Phil read quietly and watched the song until the end before smiling “Thank you, Dan… and whoever’s with you.” He chuckled and Dan smiled as did the 3D anime girl beside him.

“What kind of song is that?” Dan asked as Phil pocketed his phone and finally left the house with all his belongings, including the housekeys.

_«A lovely song someone made a long time ago! You can hear it again when you have your body back! »_

Dan liked her confidence and with that, the very odd party left the house to go on the quest to get Daniel Howell back from his glitchy, limbo existence.

(Where he was very finely dressed and ready to join the Black Parade.

Or the _Weird Parade_ , really. Glitching and glowing and with Hatsune Miku, the Vocaloid, as the only speaking being he could actually interact with. That was always where his life was headed living with Phil Lester for so long.

Though he’d really brought that upon himself by being a non-believer.)

* * *


	4. Stasimon: Sensing the Angry Static in Miraculously Ordinary Nonsense

* * *

Phil called an Uber to go back to Portobello Market and look for the man, as Dan had predicted he’d do. Dan and Hatsune Miku joined him in the car despite not being seen.

They were felt though, if not by the humans, by the machines.

“What the hell is wrong with this?” The driver said smacking his GPS and then the suddenly staticky and raspy and gasped looking back at Phil “Oh shit… _ah_ ” he blushed as Phil looked blankly at him “sorry?”

“It’s alright.” Phil said with a smile as Dan laughed beside him “I’m used to swearing. I swear a bit myself when I’m angry.”

“Oh, thank God, mate…” the driver breathed “I wonder why this stopped working though. It was fine until a while ago. Not that I need it anyway. Portobello Street, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, please.”

And they drove off with the static of the radio in the background.

“Is that because of us?” Dan asked Miku who was giggling madly as she watched the driver occasionally smack the radio to try to get it to work “It is, isn’t it?”

 _«It is! »_ She said grinning _«I like it so much! »_

Phil didn’t know he was sat beside Dan who was squished between him and Hatsune Miku but he felt it. His phone blasting a random Hatsune Miku song earlier and making him go back to get it was the sign he needed to know that Dan was there and that somehow Hatsune Miku was involved.

Sure enough, he knew, reasonably, how ridiculous that sounded _and_ was, but he didn’t have to worry about sounding crazy because he couldn’t even talk about Dan to anyone anyway.

He had to live the nonsense in silence.

“Miku” Dan called and her gracefully puffy pigtails swished around as she looked at him, smiling happily “can I, um, this is a wild guess but since we’re interfering with the electronics, can we get the radio to play what we want? Like you did with Phil’s phone?”

 _«We can, Mr Daniel! I’m so happy that you’re getting in tune! »_ She beamed brightly and Dan snorted.

“Getting in tune, am I?” He sighed and wondered before conceding “Guess I am.”

 _«You must focus though! You must re-e-e-ally think about the song you want to play! »_ She said making a cute little focused face, pressing her temples with her fingers _«It must be a song you know all the words to! It’s easy for me, because I have all my songs in my system, but as Mr Phil said, you’re a human being. Your system doesn’t work like that. »_ She smiled and Dan sighed before he nodded.

A song he knew all the words to. A song that would let Phil know he was there and thinking of him, trying to apologise for defying fate in a very hubristic way.

There weren’t many songs he knew all the words to, really. Even the songs he liked and listened to a lot he didn’t know all the words to. So, it had to be a simple song or a meme song but one that conveyed meaning and let Phil know that he was truly there.

“God, I’m cringing just thinking of this song, but I know all the words so here goes nothing” Dan huffed and concentrated as his glitchy glow got pink and he focused on the song’s words.

The static stopped and he vaguely heard the driver make a noise but couldn’t lose focus so he ignored it.

The familiar piano started, loudly, with the bass somewhat boosted which helped ease the cringe he was feeling.

_‘Making my way downtown_

_Walking fast, faces pass_

_And I’m home bound’_

“What’s this station?” The driver snorted trying to lower the volume but giving up as he couldn’t. He tried to turn it off but couldn’t either “Um… weird but I can roll with it.”

“Oh God…” Phil whispered blinking away from the window and staring at the radio as the song progressed and the lyrics made just the tiniest bit of sense in context. Cheesy, a bit random here and there but making his heart race and his cheeks get warm as it got slowly yet steadily to the end “this is so cheesy…” he chuckled and Dan opened his eyes making the song become a bass boosted mess just as it was saying _‘If I could just hold you’_ but it was ending anyway so it was alright.

“Jesus, Satan has entered the chatroom.” The driver said, giving the radio a look as the static returned.

 _«Mr Daniel! Focus! You made the song sound weird! »_ Miku scolded and Dan complained in return.

“He called it cheesy! I know it is but I’m trying to tell him how I feel! You think I remember a lot of songs!? My memory’s a mess usually and like this it’s even worse!”

Phil gasped and Dan shup up suddenly, looking at him.

Phil hadn’t heard a great number of words, but he’d distinctly heard,

_“I know… trying… memory…worse!”_

“I will fix it. It was a great song, I’m sorry.” Phil whispered and Dan opened his mouth as his glitching turned completely white with the shock.

“Can he hear me through the radio!?” Dan asked Miku who looked ecstatic.

_«It’s likely, Mr Daniel! Since your emotions are all you are now and they’re very strong! We’re also interfering with electronics! »_

Dan’s shock was too overwhelming for him to be able to play another song through the radio or even try and communicate with him, so they remained quiet with static in the background the rest of the way back to Portobello Street.

It was good that Phil had heard him he thought and he really didn’t know hopeful Phil was after hearing his voice and knowing for sure that he was there.

* * *

Phil payed at the end of the ride and thanked the driver after apologising for the radio. The poor man looked very confused but didn’t comment as the radio and the GPS started working fine again, with zero explanation.

“Alright” Phil said as he stood on the pavement just ahead of the Portobello market with his two invisible party members who were patiently waiting for his next move. He pulled out the notebook and opened it on the page with Dan’s name. Dan gasped seeing how it was fuzzy and unclear now “as expected.”

“Excuse me?” Dan said looking at him before looking at the tiny 3D anime girl with the bluish (or maybe greenish. It was both really) pigtails who was looking up at him a bit worried “Don’t look worried! You’re the magic creature here!”

_«I’m sorry, Mr Daniel. It seems like Mr Phil has realised something I hadn’t. See, you haven’t disappeared completely, but your existence is very weak in a sense. Mr Phil is the only one who remembers you. We already knew people remembered that they were forgetting you, but we hadn’t seen it yet! »_

“Doesn’t matter” Dan heard Phil say and looked at him “I remember the name and if I can’t say it, I’ll repeat it in my head.”

Dan’s glitches glowed pink and he heard Miku giggle.

“Shut up.” He complained as they moved swiftly behind Phil as he pierced through the bustling crowd at the market after putting the notebook away. As they motioned he remembered something “Oy, just thought of something… if don’t have a real body, how can I hear, see and speak?”

 _«Ah, well-noticed, Mr Daniel! I didn’t think you’d even consider it, given the situation »_ Miku grinned up at him, skipping beside them _«those are physical things but because your wish said that you wanted to disappear like me, you retained the things I can do even without a body. I can sing and hear because I am a singer! »_

Dan hummed. Made sense, in context.

“What about seeing?”

 _«I have an image, Mr Howell! People recognise me by the way I look, especially my hair! »_ She beamed, swiftly making her fabulous pigtails swish around and sparkle. Dan snorted.

“Guess we have a lot in common, you and I. My hair’s also something I’m known for.”

Miku made her pigtails turn into lovely long curls and that made Dan’s body-shaped glitches turn yellow as he laughed.

 _«Now we’re truly matching! »_ She grinned _«Do you dislike me a bit less now? »_

“Ah…” Dan snorted “sorry I was angry earlier… I don’t dislike you. You’re a bit cheeky but aren’t we all.” He smiled a little, shrugging.

Miku beamed brightly looking up at him.

 _«So you do know your traits! »_ She said and Dan’s glitchy mind needed a moment to think about what was going on and he realised that he was getting too comfortable not really existing for his own good.

“Oh shit… I’m forgetting that this isn’t normal…” he said and flickered purple with fear looking at Phil’s back as he walked through the crowded street trying to find the shady vendor “I can’t forget what I’m doing here, what I am right now.”

Phil tried not to collide with people as he walked along while attempting to remember where they’d seen the vendor. Somewhere with flowers… next to where they’d gotten the teapot, sort of.

_Probably?_

“Oh no…” he huffed, panicking again because he really couldn’t remember, and the market was massive and way too visually stimulating. Also too damn crowded “I can’t remember where it was…”

“Neither can I…” Dan muttered and Miku looked from one to the other “we’re fucked…”

 _«I can take you there, I think… »_ Hatsune Miku said a bit uncertainly _«I can connect with his phone and track back where it was. »_

Dan looked at her, hopeful. That was a bit freaky but if it worked, it worked. She puffed her cheeks before breathing out and putting her tiny hand in Phil’s pocket, looking like the cutest, best-dressed pickpocket Dan had ever seen.

Phil felt his phone vibrate painfully in his pocket.

“Ow!” He winced as he got it out having a hard time holding it still. It felt like a mini-jackhammer and he had to hold it with both hands.

“Calm down, please!” He said, trying not to drop it and Miku opened her eyes. It stopped vibrating but had a map on the screen no “Oh wow…” Phil said looking at it.

“Holy shit.” Dan muttered, flickering white “Did it work?” He peered over Phil’s shoulder and saw a very kawaii map of the street with tiny icons over the tables indicating what they sold along with a bunch of names written in Japanese and big blue circle around a place “Now he’ll know you’re here.”

 _«He already knew that, Mr Daniel. He’s very smart! »_ Miku grinned as Phil squinted at the map trying to figure out where he was.

His heart was hammering excitedly against his ribs as he analysed the kawaii map, very likely made by Hatsune Miku considering the Japanese scribbles, and finally got it.

“I’m here!” He pointed at the map and then at a table to his left “Let’s go!”

“It’s weird that he’s talking to us but not seeing us or…” he paused “well, I guess he can hear us.”

_«Because that’s our most important trait! We have a voice! »_

Dan and Miku moved swiftly behind Phil as he followed the map and finally got to the place marked with the circle. There was only one problem.

“It’s gone.” Dan and Phil said in unison, equally defeated.

“I can’t believe this is how all this was headed.”

 _«Maybe you expected things to change quickly, you’d see that it’s right there! »_ Hatsune Miku said and touched Dan’s glitchy blue arm. It sparked loudly and even Phil heard it.

“Jesus, girl!” Dan gasped literally shocked out of his wits by the noise as Phil looked around and spotted what she’d already seen.

“Oh it’s right there!” Phil pointed happily “Thank you!”

“My ass!” Dan complained. He didn’t feel pain, but the fear was a lot more powerful in that state. Miku was just giggling wildly. They followed Phil through the crowd and to where the table was. The damn man grinned at Phil when he saw him show up.

“Oh, hello!” The man greeted “Fancy seeing you again, lad! What can I get you today?”

Phil needed a moment to gather his thoughts, trying not to get too angry although that was all he was feeling despite knowing that it really wasn’t the man’s fault. Though maybe it was. What if it was all some kind of wicked design to mess with them?

“My…” he wanted to refer to Dan but figured he couldn’t even if the man knew what he meant because other people were around “my… piece. The piece of my, the piece of my heart… God that’s so cheesy… I’m sorry.” He shook his head and winced.

Dan glowed pink and made a face. Miku smiled fondly.

_«That is very cute! »_

“It’s cheesy” Dan complained but having been reduced to his emotions he couldn’t really lie “but I don’t hate it...”

“Oh, a piece of your heart, was it?” The man asked, definitely with a wicked smile “I see that you made some rash wishes.”

“Not me!” Phil countered and the man’s barking laugh scared both of them “Please, please tell me there’s a way to reverse it!”

“The Cintamani stone is very powerful! I told you as much the other sun.” The man smiled and shrugged.

“Oh fuck you” Dan cussed “ _the other sun,_ he says to scare us. Can you do something?” He asked Miku and she shook her head.

 _«It’s the first time I am this powerful, Mr Daniel. I existed before but never like this. »_ She told him and he huffed.

“That’s what I get for not believing in the power of belief.” He groaned “I should change into a clown costume because that’s what I am.”

Miku helped by changing her outfit into a stylish goth, clown Lolita costume completed with a fancy white mask.

“You really have it all” Dan snorted mirthlessly “people really have Lolita versions of everything. Wait.” He focused and closed his eyes envisioning the stupidest clown costume he’d ever seen. He sparked and glowed before he heard the by then familiar robotic giggling. He looked down to see that he was now dressed appropriately in a full clown outfit.

“Ta-da!” He said mirthlessly “Here we go.”

“Listen, _sir”_ Phil started and Dan, in his clown outfit, looked at him a little stoked to hear his polite anger as he always was “I’m not here to play. I’m very upset by this situation. I don’t want to communicate via static forever!”

“You don’t have forever, lad. Your forever is until 3pm.” The man grinned and that positively incensed Phil. He’d be glowing full red if he was made of emotions like Dan was at that moment.

“You what!?” He spat and scoffed, glaring at the man “You should be arrested for, for selling these objects to people!”

“I _gave_ you the stone, I didn’t sell it. You took it because you wanted to.” The man reminded him and Phil fisted his hands. His heart was hammering painfully against his chest and he needed all of his willpower not to overturn the table and scatter all the stones and bootleg anime figures on it.

“Same fucking difference!” Phil exclaimed and banged his fist on the table. It was quite hard for a cheap-looking foldable table with an orange paisley cloth covering it “Ow!” The man laughed and it just made Phil angrier.

“Oh my God…” Dan whispered “He’ll flip the table over him if he keeps pushing it, he will. Phil isn’t the kind to be angry” he told Miku, who was a bit worried “he’s a very patient man, but don’t make fun of him when he’s upset.”

 _«I see… »_ Miku said fiddling with her clown mask.

“Alright, alright. No need to get upset, lad” the man said and grinned wickedly “if you buy me another figure, I’ll tell you what to do.”

Phil stared at him for a solid 30 seconds before he was calm enough to speak. He needed all of his self-control not to flip the table over that damn man.

“You money leech.”

“A man needs to eat. You’d think more people would buy cheap off-brand anime figures but they don’t.”

“Maybe because you’re evil and give out cursed stones as freebies to vulnerable people.” Phil complained aggressively yanking his backpack from his back and pulling out his wallet.

“Hey, I’m not vulnerable!” Dan complained and Miku giggled before she stopped and looked at the options for figures.

 _«Oh, oh… get that one! That one! »_ She pointed excitedly, sparkling madly. It was the figure of a girl with long pink hair that also wore headphones like the Matsune Hiku figure they’d gotten the previous day.

“Is it the Mirai Nikki girl?” Dan squinted at it, trying to figure out what it was.

Miku gave him a hard stare and didn’t respond for around 10 seconds.

 _«That is the most offensive comparison I have ever heard in my entire life, Mr Daniel. How could you even think of comparing Luka-chan to that horrible character? »_ Miku said, putting her hands on her tiny waist and giving him a look.

“Jesus, I’m sorry. Actually” he couldn’t hold back his laugh “her name is Muka, according to what’s written on the box” he pointed “ _Legurine Muka_.”

 _«I thought you had accepted that fake or not we’re all real because reality isn’t real! »_ Miky complained with a very cute upset face.

Wow, existentialism from an anime girl who looked 12. Yikes. Maybe that was also in her system, which frankly shouldn’t even be surprising considering the song that had gotten him into that mess. But still. The dissonance between her appearance and the stuff she said was something else.

“Alright, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Why do you want it though?”

 _«I… well, I like Luka-chan »_ her cheeks got bright pink, full anime style and Dan knew what that meant.

“I’ll buy you a damn figure. Is it still 10 quid?”

“Certainly!”

“This one then.” Phil pointed at a bootleg of _Hikasa Lackerman_ from the very popular show ‘ _Thrust into Giant_ ’ which seemed like a completely different type of media but what was a day in their life without some disturbing innuendos. He wasn’t even shocked that Phil hadn’t noticed the horrible knock-off name “Oh no, oh no… no, I, changed my mind!”

“Took you look enough.” Dan snorted and looked at Miku who was trying desperately to touch the figure but it wasn’t electronic so there wasn’t much she could do “Hey, hey. Calm down, let’s think. Maybe we can access Phil’s phone and like, I don’t know text him?”

Miku gasped and nodded before immediately focusing on Phil’s phone which at that rate would explode and hurt him for real.

“Ow, ow!” He jumped on one leg before pulling it and dropping it on the table where it made everything on it rattle as if a sudden earthquake had struck that spot in particular. The phone stopped vibrating when he picked it up and opened the text from a contact he didn’t have that read something he couldn’t read.

“It’s in Japanese…” he groaned “I can’t read that” he sighed “but that’s what translators are for.” He said opening the app after copying the text.

_FROM: PLEASE_

_AT: 10:57AM_

_GET LUKA-CHAN!! PLEASE!!_

“Luka-chan?” Phil repeated, confused and the man hummed.

“Ah, to make a pair with the one you got yesterday!” He said, grabbing the pink-haired bootleg “A very nice figure, too!”

“They’re a pair?” Phil questioned giving him the money and accepting the figure, looking at it. ‘02’ was written on its arm. Hatsune Miku’s read ‘01’. He was very easily distracted, that wasn’t news, but when mystery and the supernatural was involved he just forgot that he was supposed to be angry for being robbed of 10 pounds for a bootleg figure in exchange for information on how to bring Dan back.

“Not always” the man explained “but sometimes they are.”

“ _Oh._ ” Phil nodded, feeling that they were a pair in the relationship sense. He didn’t know a lot about Vocaloid but if that’s what Miku wanted, he’d do it for her. If anything, because she was likely keeping Dan company.

“So, you’re a pair.” Dan asked Miku who was still red in the face while Phil paid and put the figure in his bag together with the other he’d also put there for no real reason. Her eyes were shining now, almost crying. Everything’s cute in anime-style.

 _«Not always »_ Miku said quietly looking up him _«but I like it when we are… »_

Dan didn’t know what to say to that. Was that about shipping? It was everywhere, lurking and preying on incautious famous people and sentient 3D anime characters it seemed.

“That means you feel things… even though you’re, uh, a computer programme?” He asked uncertainly.

 _« My feelings change but right now, I want to be with Luka-Chan. Someone has given me a heart in one of my lives »_ she explained _«and I have it because I am all the faces people have ever given me. »_

Mora existentialism sponsored by Hatsune Miku, the apparently sentient computer programme.

“Now tell me how to reverse this.” Phil demanded and the man smiled.

“You have to wish for the previous wish to be reversed.” He said simply and Phil was ready to flip the table again because that was too damn simple and of course he’d thought about that “ _But_ ” okay there was a _but_ and he shouldn’t be glad because simple would have been best but he’d had to go back to that crowded street again for it, wasted money for it, so “that will only work after the reason for the wish is understood, accepted and overcome.”

Phil and Dan both stared at the sleazy bastard. One of them glowing red, the other fisting his hands.

“What does that mean?” Phil asked.

“That the reasons for the wish must be understood, accepted and overcome.”

“I heard it the first time.”

“Then that’s it.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to that when, when…” he gritted his teeth because he couldn’t say the name “the communication is broken?”

“You have to figure that out yourself.”

Phil aggressively put the backpack back on his, well, back.

“You really are a scammer!”

“I just told you what to do, lad!”

“And it was mighty helpful! Thanks! As if the song didn’t say that too! Wow, I now know what to do and how to communicate with… _with static_!” He said angrily “Goodbye. Hope I never see you again!”

And poof.

The man vanished into thin air.

Phil gasped in horror and looked around to see if he’d hidden but no.

“Oh shit, was it because of the damn stone!?” Dan asked and Miku had covered her mouth with her tiny hands.

 _«Maybe… »_ she whispered.

“Was it, was it because of the stone?” Phil whispered looking around to see if anyone had noticed. It didn’t seem like they had “Maybe he’ll reappear when I’m not looking. Let’s just… let’s go.”

Dan had to laugh at the way Phil just snuck away into the crowd. He peered back and saw that sure enough the man was there once again, still grinning.

“Ah, it was really just for him, then.” He commented and Miku giggled looking at Phil’s backpack “Uh, I shouldn’t even be thinking about this, especially not in full clown attire, but can you get her to, um, become like you? Sort of come to life… in this way?”

MIku shook her head, making her pigtails sway sadly.

_«It wasn’t part of the wish. I’m not that powerful. Someone would have to wish her into this kind of existence. »_

“Can I do it?”

Miku swayed her sad pigtails again. They were both sad clowns.

 _«It has to be a human with a human body. This magic stone is very old, Mr Daniel. »_ She said quietly, in her high-pitched robotic English with a Japanese accent _«And right now, you don’t have a body. »_ She paused and sighed _«Luka-chan is younger than me but also older. She’s wiser, too. »_ Miku chuckled.

Wiser was promising. Existentialism was good and all that, but they needed some actual clues.

“Maybe Phil will catch on…” Dan suggested staring at the back of Phil’s neck and sure enough the connection was there, just not in the usual way.

“I wonder what he meant by ‘sometimes they are’… maybe they’re girlfriends…” He said quietly, walking out of the crowd to go call an uber and head straight home. He didn’t feel like eating outside or stopping anywhere else. He wasn’t even hungry, which was very telling. It was cold and he wasn’t feeling well after getting that angry. His head was aching more than usual yet again. He just wanted to hide and try to figure something out.

Miku blushed a little and Dan managed a smile.

“I ship it.” He said and she smiled sadly “And he feels sad…” Dan said quietly looking at him “I can feel his sadness too… fuck this.”

_«You heard him say it, Mr Daniel. You’re a piece of his heart and you’re not really here anymore. »_

Dan couldn’t even feel embarrassed and his glitching clown outfit glowed blue.

“I want to be honest with him… tell him how I feel, I, fuck” he groaned “I know he knows how I feel but I have a hard time showing it directly…” he paused and though without a body he couldn’t feel pain, the emotions were painful in an unbearable way. You couldn’t just take a pill to make the pain go away or get a cold towel or anything. There was nothing he could do to sooth the pain. He couldn’t even cry, as he knew he would be doing by then if he had a body “we’ve been through thick and thin together, we… it’s been rough, it almost went to shit a couple times but we just…ah” he fisted his hands and pressed them against his glitchy head “we keep gravitating towards each other. There will never be anyone like him in my life and, it’s obviously the same for him. We’re…” he groaned and couldn’t cry and hated that he couldn’t. It hurt so much “we’re companions through life.” He chortled and opened his mouth but no sound came out. Miku had a different existence so she cried for him. Her thick, pearly anime tears dropped down her face, like soup “I’m really a clown, aren’t I?”

Phil called an uber and they all waited in silence for it.

 _«You’re not a clown, Mr Daniel. »_ She said quietly, sniffling but Dan was too overwhelmed with his emotions. They weren’t even memories anymore, they were just glimpses of his life with Phil. Miku changed her outfit again and back to her default one. The headphones had pink butterfly wings _«You’re not, I promise. Emotions are very difficult but they’re what makes you human. »_

“You’re not human and feel them too.” Dan said and snorted mirthlessly before focusing a bit to change his outfit to one of his own ‘default’ outfits. All black with a skull on his sweater.

 _«Because I have them in my system. »_ She explained _«And with this new freedom I choose to feel them. »_

“Why though? They’re nothing but trouble.” Dan scoffed unable to think properly because the sadness was just too much to handle in that state.

 _«You don’t mean that. »_ Hatsune Miku said softly. The uber arrived and they got in it with Phil _«Sadness is speaking for you. Don’t you like the emotion you feel when Mr Phil is happy? »_

Dan didn’t say anything to that because the answer was obvious. He did, obviously. That was one of his favourite emotions. How could it not be?

Phil was staring out the window again and that driver didn’t seem to mind the crashed GPS and the staticky radio so he didn’t even comment on it which let Phil just get lost in his thoughts.

How would he solve the issue, honestly? Dan had to understand the reasons why he’d made such a wish and be honest about his emotions and that was just stupid. Dan knew why he was feeling the way he’d been feeling and though he wasn’t very vocal about his emotions, he knew them well, despite not liking them.

He was losing hope and so was Dan who felt his memories flicker and fade as the time passed.

What a shitty way to go, that was.

He couldn’t even say goodbye.

* * *


	5. Exodos: E X p e r I e n c e of Distressing Overwhelming Sensations

* * *

**“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.”**

**Carl Jung**

* * *

At last the odd party returned to their apartment. Phil closed the door behind him and fought the urge to just sit there like he was in a dramatic soap opera and instead went to the living room. He kicked off his shoes and put his backpack on the sofa beside him before sitting down.

He took the two bootleg figures out of the backpack and put them on the table along with the dreadful wishing stone and stared blankly at him.

Phil’s mind was always very overactive so he couldn’t really not think about the new figure he’d gotten. He remembered the text message in Japanese and the song which meant that for some fantastic (in the sense of being unexplained, mind) Hatsune Miku was there, as Dan was too, in some way.

Then he figured it out, despite not knowing much about Vocaloid.

“I wish that Luka-chan can appear in the same way that Hatsune Miku did.” He said quietly and Dan snapped out of his daze to shriek in a shock that made the TV spark.

A pink-haired girl had just materialised in their living room and stood there by the door.

She was taller than Miku and was wearing a similar outfit to hers, only pink. Her headphones also had butterfly wings. They were bluish, like Miku’s hair. The colours were swapped, Dan noticed, Miku’s wings were pink.

Phil couldn’t see what he’d just brought to life, but he knew he’d succeeded from the sparking TV.

“I hope Miku is happy.” He said and smiled looking vaguely around before leaning back on the sofa and closing his eyes “To get her girlfriend back.”

Dan glitched a pale blue mixed with pale pink and grey. He was projecting and Dan felt himself do the same as he looked at the two 3D anime girls.

 _«Luka-chan! Luka-chan! »_ Miku squeaked and her thick tears were back but completely happy this time. Luka looked back at her and smiled fondly before being pounced by her in a very tight hug that caused and eruption of pink and blueish sparks. The sparks became cute anime hearts when they kissed each other on the lips.

Dan’s glitches turned full rainbow but mostly yellow and blue. It was adorable and he literally couldn’t hide his true feelings

 _«Hello, Miku-chan. Daniel-san.”_ She greeted evenly as the two 3D anime girls got away from each other. She smiled at him too and he cracked a smile at the honorifics. Miku had translated it but Luka wasn’t doing the same. It was fine but he’d rather be Mr or just his damn name.

“That sounds like I’m the lad from Karate Kid. Just Daniel is fine. Or Dan.”

 _«Dan. »_ She smiled and then looked at Phil _«He can’t see us but he brought me here because he wanted Miku-chan to have her girlfriend back. »_ It was a statement but both Dan and Miku nodded a bit _«And you’re both sad. »_ She stated again.

“Well, yeah… how could you tell? Was it my glitching colour-coded appearance or how he’s holding back tears?” Dan said with streaks of red slicing through the blue “I’m sorry. Don’t mean to be rude I just, I don’t fucking know what to do to reach him. Or how I’m supposed to get over my shit.”

 _«You’re not, Dan. You’re supposed to do that. »_ Megurine Luka said simply and Miku was latching on to her, looking a lot happier. Dan noticed that her personality, while obviously being as split into a dozen as Miku’s was had a pattern too. Her pitch was lower than Miku’s, too _«All that you’re supposed to do is accept yourself the way you are. »_

Dan snorted and sat on the sofa beside Phil who had leant against the backrest and closed his eyes.

“Accept myself the way I am, is it? Well, fuck then. It took me years to accept my sexuality, and internalised homophobia almost ruined my life.” He scoffed and shook his head “How am I supposed to do that for something that has been bothering me for ages in a couple hours?”

 _«You’re not. »_ She said simply _«You’re not supposed to do that. »_ She repeated _«You just need to understand your boundaries and understand, also, that although you have a debt to the people who believe in you, you don’t owe them your life. »_

 _«I told you Luka-chan was wiser than me! »_ Miku beamed brightly and Luka smiled fondly at her.

_«You’re wise too, Miku-chan. »_

Dan fell silent trying to wrap his glitchy mind around that. Phil had sort of told him the same thing before but he just… he needed to feel validated, much like everyone did, and he was a perfectionist with imposter syndrome. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was setting himself up for failure and he knew he wouldn’t handle that well. He’d live, surely, but would likely just disappear from the public eye for good.

“I understand that…” he finally said, and glitched in full rainbow, completely appropriate, once again. His emotions were all over the place overwhelming him “I was scared at first but then I wanted to do something… but I’m scared of failing and I just” he shrugged “I keep running and disguising it as hiatus, which, well, it is but… I feel like I’m just running and…”

 _«You owe people nothing you aren’t able to give them. »_ Luka said to him, again, firmly _«See where those doubts brought you. You’re nothing but a glitching version of yourself. You’re nothing but the emotions you were running from. You made your Phil sad. »_

“ _My_ Phil” than snorted at the possessive usage and fell silent again, the rainbow fading to blue again “I just want him to know… I want him to know that my love for him is the cheesy kind as well as the tough kind, it’s all kinds of it” he muttered and smiled mirthlessly looking at him “he knows that, he knows how much he means to me… everyone does now because I thought I should give them that… but I want him to know, if anything, that I’m sorry for not believing him.”

Phil had gotten away from the backrest of their sofa and was googling something.

“ _How to undo wishes_ ” Dan read flatly. Miku and Luka giggled at it “ _Phil_.” Dan pleaded watching him scroll down and then back up to hit.

“ _WikiHow 4 Ways to Reverse a Curse_.” Dan read and the two 3D anime girls were losing it “Don’t laugh!” He sparkled in red as Phil diligently read through the options.

“A bath salt? Hm” Phil pondered unaware that Dan was raging right beside him telling him that it wasn’t a damn curse, well kind of was, but that shit wouldn’t work “no, don’t fancy that. 40 minutes? The water would get cold.” He discarded it and moved on to one about smudging energy.

“Smudging my energy?” He read, interested and scrolled to read about some selenite wand “That is a very suggestively shaped crystal.” He commented “That I don’t have.”

“Make him stop this nonsense!”

 _«He’s relaxed like this, Mr Daniel! Let him be! »_ Miku cackled. Luka was wheezing.

“Light a sage bundle, then use a feather to waft the smoke over you” Phil read “hm, I don’t know if we have sage… feathers, maybe, but I don’t think we have sage.”

“Phil, _no._ ”

“Recite a cleansing spell or a say a prayer” Phil was fully invested in that and felt a little hopeful now that he was actually trying to do something. He cleared his throat to read the suggested prayer **“Earth, fire, water, and air, be the answer to my prayer, banish this curse and leave me pure, tonight I claim a blessed cure.”**

He waited. Nothing happened. He sighed and kept going.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes, this one sounds promising!” Phil said getting up after reading about a spell with a black candle, a bowl of water and salt. He strode over to Dan’s room to get one of his completely black candles and then went back to the kitchen almost tripping on the way out of the bedroom. He almost dropped the bowl he’d be using in his haste to get it out.

“Phil no.”

“Yes, all set.” Phil said after putting the candle in the bowl and filling with some water. It floated a bit but that didn’t matter. He looked for sea salt and sprinkled a bunch over it, Salt Bae style for good measure and then got the lighter “Oh wait, I need to, what was it?” He asked squinting at his phone “Ah, visualise a white light flowing into the water. Right.” He closed his eyes and tried his best to visualise it “That should do.” He said after imagining the whole kitchen flooded by white light, which was hard because there were odd slivers of red tainting it. He then lit the candle and repeated the prayer once again **“Earth, fire, water, and air, be the answer to my prayer, banish this curse and leave me pure, tonight I claim a blessed cure!”**

He waited.

Nothing happened.

He grabbed the bowl, walked to the window, opened it and threw everything out.

“Scam!” He exclaimed as he trod out of the kitchen and back to the living room “So much focusing for that!”

“You smashed the bowl! And my candle went with it!”

“Oh…” Phil read the rest of the spell “you were supposed to let it burn out… yikes.”

“It wouldn’t have worked anyway! This isn’t a curse, you dingus!”

Miku and Luka were seriously red from laughing so hard.

 _«Mr Daniel, sorry for laughing but Mr Phil is really interesting! »_ Miku wheezed in her squeaky robotic voice.

 _«Yes, he is! You’re right, it wouldn’t have worked but he committed and then threw it all out before reading the full instructions! »_ Luka added and Dan looked hopelessly at them his red glow becoming grey with despair which then turned to a pale yellow with his quickly changing emotions.

He chuckled.

“I know he is. I wouldn’t have become his fan if he wasn’t.” He smiled fondly at the man diligently scrolling through wish reversing ideas “He’s just unapologetically himself. He exaggerates a bit for the internet but he’s the kind of person you can’t be bored around because there’s always a lot going on in his mind.” Dan deadass gushed like the fan he was “We can be having a conversation about the meaning of life and then he’ll remember that he got modelling clay and we should try it.”

 _«That’s love, Dan. »_ Luka said with a smile and Dan made a face, glowing a bit green.

“No shit, it’s love! I thought I hated him, which is what some people seem to think for some fucking reason judging by how many times they kill Phil in their fanfics.” He complained and huffed, sparking in frustration “Point being that he’s an interesting person, no matter how much of a bad influence he is sometimes, he’s a genuinely amazing and works to believe that every day.”

 _«Unlike you. »_ Luka said flatly and Dan snorted.

“Yeah. I’m dull as hell and the only reason people even liked me was because of our relationship and my self-deprecating humour that attracts depressed people.” Dan snorted.

 _«You’re very idiotic for someone so smart, Mr Daniel. »_ Miku jabbed crossing her arms in front of her chest _«Luka-chan didn’t mean that you’re not amazing, she meant that you don’t know how amazing you are and don’t work to believe that! »_

Dan scoffed.

“I don’t work to believe it?” He said pointing at his glitching head “You should try doing that while a voice in your head keeps telling your efforts are all useless because you’ll be forgotten and then die without ever having accomplished anything concrete.”

 _«You demand too much from yourself, Dan. »_ Luka said quietly and she and Miku went over to sit on the coffee table next to their figures _«You want to make a difference on a scale that’s out of anyone’s reach, especially as young as you are. »_

Dan stared at the pink-haired semblance of a person in silence.

_«Luka-chan is right, Mr Daniel. You are too young to be thinking about your legacy and actually, you’ve already accomplished much more than most people your age! So be a little proud, please! »_

“I am… I am proud.” Dan said and his glow flickered to grey as he stared at his glitching hands “I am… I just don’t know who I am, all these things, these shows, all the, all the thoughts people have about me… I, I don’t know who I really am. Who’s the real me out of all those. I dissociate a lot because of it and it’s just… it’s a pain in the ass.”

Luka and Miku smiled.

 _«Why should there only be one real you? »_ Luka asked simply _«It’s much more fun to be many people at once. »_

“That’s called schizophrenia.” Dan said flatly.

 _«Not if you’re aware of what’s happening, Mr Daniel! Do you really think that the people you meet act the same way to everyone they know? That they don’t have several personas? How naïve! Go read Jung! »_ Miku asked and there it was again. 5-foot-tall philosopher 3D anime girl.

“Jung, as in Carl Jung, the philosopher? I know about him and that’s not the point… the point is that I want to do my own thing, but when I start thinking about doing it I trail off because I don’t know who I’m talking to or if I’m talking with my own voice.”

 _«You can have as many voices as you want and they will all be yours! »_ Miku countered.

_“Dan”_ Phil called not knowing he’d just startled him and their two guests who had been having a deep discussion about Dan’s feelings. He opened his eyes and got away from the backrest of the sofa where he’d been resting to try and think of a way to undo that mess “I wish to undo Dan’s wish to disappear and make him appear again as he was before.” He tried, looking at the stone.

Obviously, nothing happened. He didn’t really expect it to.

“I had to try it anyway…” he sighed “guess you haven’t figured it out, then. I don’t know what to do or say, I’m just…” he shrugged and shook his head “I’m useless.”

He was on the verge of breaking down. None of his ideas sounded reasonable. Google returned nothing. The WikHow article had been a scam. He’d thrown a bowl with saltwater and a candle out of the window. Now he was there, alone in the buzzing living room, knowing that he wasn’t alone but feeling unbearably hopeless. His fingers were numb, so he clenched his fists and breathed, trying to gather his jumbled, anxious thoughts.

“It doesn’t matter how many times I or our friends or, or other people, your fans, our fans, it doesn’t matter how many times we tell you that you’re interesting, that you’re charismatic, that whatever you do will be great because you _are_ great… it just doesn’t matter, because you won’t believe it. Your brain won’t let you believe it.” He said quietly, his low voice reverberating in his chest and ears and aching head “You think you’re no good because you don’t know your personality, but I think that makes no sense. Our personalities change as we grow older because we change too, we get more experience, we learn other things, we change our behaviours. But you won’t let yourself change as you grow as person, you won’t, you won’t accept that your knowledge affects your behaviour.” He vented stabbing his palms with his nails from how hard he was clenching his fists “Your problem is that you don’t accept yourself from before, you get those cringe attacks, all that bullshit. When you should be thankful for the person you were because he’s the person you became!” He exclaimed and felt his chest ache. His eyes stung and he unclenched his fists to try and pull out his contacts “ _Shit…_ ” he cussed and breathed heavily poking himself in the eye with this stupid shaking fingers before finally peeling off his contacts and reaching in his backpack for his glasses. He huffed after wiping his eyes and putting his glasses on “I know some of my behaviours are questionable, you say so yourself, you call me out on how much of bad influence I can be and that’s fine. I know you’re right. I’m flawed like everyone else.” He said in a breathy stream of conscious kind of way “Being flawed is normal, it’s what makes us human, Dan. Striving for perfection is, is, what was the word?”

“Hubristic.” Dan, glowing both pink and blue and sparking like fireworks in a cold winter night, answered for him but he didn’t hear it “Maybe that’s why I feel so shit all the time.” He snorted “I keep tempting whatever’s out there because I don’t believe it’s there.”

“I can’t remember, my head is aching so much it feels like it’s going to pop off” Phil sighed, trembling “but it’s bad. You should just strive to live and be happy in the ways you can.” He paused and wiped his eyes with his index and his thumb under his glasses “I just want you to love yourself the way I, the way I love you.”

Dan’s searing pain mixed with the affection, the gratitude, the admiration he was feeling made him want to scream into the grey midday sky behind their curtains but instead he looked at their two guests who were both smiling knowingly.

“Thank you, thank you for being here with me… for keeping me company and talking me out of my shit, sort of… it doesn’t just go away with a couple words.” He trailed off “I don’t know, being all emotions is weird. I feel so free yet so overwhelmed.” He said to them.

 _«You still need to let him know how you feel, that’s what the song says. »_ Luka said.

“How do you even know that?” Dan asked before remembering the connection they all shared “Don’t answer that.” Miku giggled “I need a way to tell him, maybe a song.” He paused and looked at them “You don’t happen to have something that says what I want to say in your repertoire, do you?” Dan snorted, hopeful but not too hopeful “I can’t focus anymore to do it myself.”

They closed their eyes and glowed brightly.

(Dan hoped they were just thinking and that they hadn’t suddenly gone rogue and planned to destroy all their electronics and set their house on fire.)

 _«No. »_ They said in unison and Dan snorted.

“I didn’t think you would.”

 _«We have dozens of songs that are vaguely about what you want to say to your Phil, but none that says exactly what you want to say. »_ Luka explained and Dan hummed.

 _«No song says exactly what you mean, unless you’re the one writing it! »_ Miku added, a little too hyped seeing that Dan felt completely hopeless _«And even then, sometimes it won’t mean to other people what it means to you! »_

Dan stared at her and then at Phil, who had leant back and was looking at his Twitter mentions.

“Is that a language thing?” He asked her and she gave a cute confused look “I mean that” he flickered in frustration “like, words don’t mean the same thing to everyone. That kind of thing.”

 _«Oh »_ Miku nodded vehemently _«that’s it, Mr Daniel! Very smart! »_

“Yeah, well, I’m fucked then. I just want to tell him that I’m sorry for making him feel miserable and that I’m going to try and…” he paused and his glitching, treasonous existence flickered rainbow with all the emotions jumbled together “well, fuck you too” he cussed them out. Miku and Luka giggled harder “you’re two cheeky programmes, aren’t you?”

 _«We’re actually the same programme. We just have different settings! »_ Miku grinned and Luka smiled and nodded.

More existentialism. Wait no. Why did it feel like existentialism?

“So like humans but not humans.” Dan said and saw them do finger guns at him and wink at the same time “because you’re perfectly synchronised.”

 _«Well done, Dan. »_ It sounded like she’d said ‘dan, dan’ and it sounded a bit funny, but he didn’t really feel like laughing _«What exactly do you want to say? »_

Dan sighed and looked at Phil who was wiping his tears every now and then as he read his mentions.

“They all remember… they remember but can’t say anything because they, they actually don’t remember. They’re forgetting to remember” he chuckled and sniffled, wiping his eyes again “like in _Spirited Away_.”

Dan’s glitches glowed bright white.

“Can you play a song that’s not yours!?” Dan asked the Vocaloid girls who nodded, smiling. His hope made him flicker in all the colours “The song from Spirited Away! I remember… I remember vaguely that it was very cute and very cheesy but, but it kind of says what I mean… I don’t remember well but I’ll give that one a shot. Got nothing to lose anyway.”

 _«Spirited Away? »_ Miku asked confused _«What’s that? »_

Dan felt confusion streak down his glitches.

“What do you mean? It’s a Ghibli film. The one with Chihiro and Yubaba.”

 _«Oh,_ _千と千尋の神隠し! »_ Luka said in full Japanese what Dan assumed to be the Japanese title of the film.

“You’ve been speaking English all this time and don’t know the name of the film in English?”

 _«We’ve been speaking English because of you! »_ Miku pouted and Dan felt like an American complaining about subtitles, only that he was worse because they were accommodating him for some reason _«If it’s Japanese, we won’t understand your translations unless you explain them! »_

“Oh…I’m sorry.” He said.

 _«Apology accepted. »_ Luka said _«And we have sung that song. »_

 _«We have! »_ Miku said excitedly. Dan was surprised.

“But it’s not your song.”

 _«Our fans make us sing all kinds of songs, Mr Daniel. »_ Miku reminded him.

 _«Sometimes just for shits and giggles. »_ Luka added and Dan was shook at the swearing _«Oh, swearing is in our repertoire. »_

 _«Is that what you want us to play? »_ Luka said and both she and Miku changed into outfits that vaguely resembled those of the show _«Sorry, we’ve never been put in this particular setting but it’s not hard to find something that is close enough in our database. »_

“I didn’t even notice.” Dan snorted and got up from the sofa seeing them glow and sparkle again. He thought they’d hack into Phil’s phone again, as Miku had been doing but instead got a spook from the TV suddenly turning on, glowing madly and dangerously red. Someone could call emergency thinking there was a fire.

(If they hadn’t already called the cops on grounds of dangerous objects being flung out of their window.

And maybe witchcraft.)

 _«We can play the original, it has subtitles for your convenience. »_ Luka said and Dan sniffed a bit of teasing there but accepted it.

“Please do. Thanks for putting up with all this, also.”

_«You brought us to life, so it’s nothing, really! »_

Phil almost had heart attack when the TV went on almost blinding him.

“Shit!” He exclaimed, clutching his chest but then he saw that a very bright version of YouTube had opened, and a video was played. He squinted at the screen barely seeing anything because of the glare reflecting on his glasses “It hurts my eyes! Dim the brightness please!”

It was dimmed.

“Thank you.” He said and his heart was still racing both from the fright and the anticipation. What would it be?

It was ‘いつも何度でも’aka ‘Always with me’ by Yumi Kimura, the theme song of Spirited Away.

“Oh, I thought, I thought it’d be Vocaloid” he chuckled, sniffling “but it’s the original… a bit fried but it has subtitles, so… thanks for that.”

The song started playing and felt an indescribable warmth with every word he read on the screen, thinking that maybe, maybe that was Dan doing what the song that had thrown them into that messy morning had told him to.

_Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart_

_May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart_

“I hope you are, I really hope you always dream the dreams that, that move your heart.” Phil said trying not to cry because his head was already aching like mad. He wasn’t a crier, he wasn’t, but he was an emotional wreck that day so he had the right to cry, like everyone else.

_So many tears of sadness, uncountable through and through_

_I know on the other side of them I'll find you_

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m crying, Dan… I know you hate it when I do.” He sobbed, chuckling. Then he saw something flicker on the corner of his eye “I can see them… wow, they’re really here in full human size.”

 _«Hello, Mr Phil! »_ Miku greeted him happily _«I’m glad you can see us! »_

 _«Your Dan is very difficult to deal with when he’s emotional and that’s all he is right now. »_ Luka grinned looking at someone Phil couldn’t yet see. His Dan. The possessive sounded funny. His heart raced with anticipation.

“I bet he’s not happy that you said that.” Phil chuckled, focusing on the lyrics again “He’ll tell you that I’m difficult too.”

_Every time we fall to the ground, we look up to the blue sky above_

_We wake to its blueness, as for the first time_

Miku and Luka had started dancing with each other, very softly and gracefully, smiling at one another and Phil felt the warmth run down his body.

(Metaphorically, he wasn’t peeing himself!)

_Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight_

_I can with these two arms embrace the light_

“I can’t see the light.” Phil muttered, chuckling “I can’t see it. He’s here but I can’t see him.”

 _«Dan says he’s not the light, you are, you spork. He’s the darkness. »_ Luka said, while spinning a very happy Miku _«His own words. »_

“There’s only one person who uses spork as an insult.” Phil chortled “And he’s not darkness. He wants to be but he’s not.” He smiled “He only dislikes colours.”

 _«He turned bright pink! »_ Miku said still dancing happily with Luka their slow, traditional looking dance _«Oh, you don’t know he’s nothing but he’s colourful glitchy emotions today. Now he’s red because I snitched! »_ She giggled cheekily and Phil chuckled through his tears. He couldn’t believe Dan had picked that song but at the same time, it made perfect sense. He loved Ghibli. So much for being ‘darkness’.

_As I bid farewell my heart stops, in tenderness I feel_

_My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real_

_The wonder of living, the wonder of dying_

_The wind, town, and flowers, we all dance one unity_

Phil saw him at last.

Faintly flickering in glitchy rainbow colours, he saw Dan at last and he was looking at him. Phil looked directly at him.

“I can see you, Dan. Do know now what’s real?” He asked and smiled getting up trying to reach him but as Dan reached his own holographic hand, they went right through one another. He said something but Phil couldn’t hear it. His glitching mouth read something like ‘Yes, I do’.

_Somewhere a voice calls in the depths of my heart_

_keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part_

_Why speak of all your sadness or of life's painful woes_

_Instead let the same lips sing a gentle song for you_

Phil saw the colours in Dan’s amazing holographic existence. It turned blue and pink.

 _«He’s sad but… he should tell you himself… though you can’t hear him yet. »_ Luka smiled as streaks of red flickered in the pink and blue.

Phil read Dan’s lips and smiled, awash with a fondness that was only possible in relationships as long as theirs.

“Thank you for telling me that. I know it’s hard for you.” Phil said softly. The song kept playing and both he and Dan’s vague emotional existence looked at the lyrics.

_The whispering voice, we never want to forget,_

_in each passing memory always there to guide you_

_When a mirror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground_

_Glimpses of new life, reflected all around_

Miku and Luka had intertwined their fingers and were dancing in a slow circle, smiling fondly at each other.

“I’m glad you got to be together.” Phil smiled at them and saw Dan smile too.

_«It’s because of you Mr Phil. Your feelings made us want to be together. »_

He saw Dan chuckle soundlessly.

“I was projecting then…” Phil chortled “I’m not sorry about that.”

 _«You shouldn’t be! »_ Miku exclaimed _«This is the most fun we’ve ever had! »_

A reference.

Phil looked at Dan who was also looking at him flickered in all the colours.

“The colours suit you, Dan” Phil smiled “not just because they’re a rainbow but because they reflect your personality better than black does.”

“Shu.t u.p.” Dan’s staticky voice sounded at last and Phil gasped “Yo.u.ca.n he.a.r m.e!?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed and tried to reach him again but felt nothing but static. Not quite there yet.

_Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn_

_Let my silent, empty body be filled and reborn_

_No need to search outside, nor sail across the sea_

_Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me_

_I've found a brightness, it's always with me_

The screen of the TV flickered and went off. There was silence for a moment. The 3D anime girls stopped dancing and were smiling fondly at the two tall men in front of them, one of them still glitching.

“You really, you really feel that?” Phil asked softly and Dan, still 100% emotions, nodded.

“I’ll b.e wor.k.i.ng on it bu.t. I d.o a.nd al.s.o love…you, Ph.i.l.” He glitched in pink “So.rr.y I do.n’t sh.o.w it pro.p.er.”

“You do, I’m happy with the way you love me and hope, I hope you are too” Phil said and looked at him trying yet again to reach him as he nodded and mouthed that he was. Of course, he was forgetting the damn stone “the damn stone. I hope it works now.”

Everyone already knew it would. He went back to the coffee table where the stone was beside the figures of Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka. He looked at them a little sad because he knew they’d be gone as soon as the wish was reversed.

“It was very nice to meet you but I do hope we don’t have to see each other like this again.” Phil said with an honest smile. They giggled wildly and nodded before turned to Dan. Phil watched in amazement how the two tiny 3D anime girls went over to Dan to hug him and he actually bent over to squeeze them back, glitching rainbow all around.

“Thank you for your help, even though all of this was freaky and weird and, and an emotional rollercoaster.” Dan said to them, sad to see them go “I will miss you but like Phil, I hope we never have to see each other again like this. I’m a fan now, though.”

They smiled up at him.

 _«Listen to our songs! We’ll be there and you know now that we’re powerful! »_ Miku grinned _«We’ll always be there! »_

Dan looked at her, the one who’d been with him though that quest, in their emo outfits, the curls she made to connect with him, the clown outfits. All of it. He felt bad for wanting to forget all about that chaos because he had genuinely enjoyed their company

“I’m wishing it now…” Phil said and held the stone at eye level. He paused a moment to gather his thoughts and all the things he wanted to say so that he wouldn’t mess it up “powerful Cintamani stone, I wish that Daniel Howell’s disappearance is reversed now that he figured some things out, that all goes back to how it was before but we don’t forget any of this because remembering is important, and also that you become just a regular stone after this final wish.”

The stone glowed warm in his hand and he watched Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka smile and wave at them before disappearing in a cloud of sparkling glitter into thin air, leaving nothing but a bit of static that disappeared just as he felt a hand gripping his arm and looked at it to see Dan, no longer glitching, dressed in full black and sobbing like a child.

Phil dropped the now useless, cold stone on the table and turned to the side to pull him into what was definitely the tightest hug they’d ever given each other. It actually hurt a bit but neither complained about it.

“I can’t, I can’t believe I’m back, actually back that I can touch you and feel your warmth” Dan blubbered, sopping Phil’s shoulder with his tears. The emotions were still there, not as searing in their pure, raw state but more intense with all his senses back, with the feeling of a beating heart in his chest “the feeling of your body” he kissed Phil’s cheek “the feeling of your skin” and then he kissed his lips, chastely yet lingering “the taste of your lips…” he smiled as he got away “I’m being so cheesy… maybe it’s still that old magic I messed with.”

Phil returned him another chaste kiss and smiled fondly, caressing the nape of Dan’s neck.

“Aw, you rarely kiss me like this. That was cute.”

“Being nothing but emotions for a while does things to a guy.” Dan snorted and sighed, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder again “Lots of people remembered me, huh?”

“They did! See? I told you!”

“Guess I should trust my fans more.” He whispered “But I’m still scared, Phil. Almost vanishing didn’t take that away, you know?”

“I know, but I’ll be here with you, to talk you out of the lies your brain tells you.” Phil whispered back and sighed “I’m so glad this didn’t end badly…” he made a face as he remembered something “oh, uh, I think I threw your candle out the window, and one of our bowls…”

Dan wanted to be angry but he’d already been and that had actually been quite a thing to see Phil do.

“I know, I was there, yelling at you. Hope nobody called the cops.” Dan chortled and they got away from each other, praying that Dan was right.

“Maybe, I guess we should tweet something? Not sure what. Not the whole truth because that’ll sound like we’re trolling them.” Dan scoffed “But I feel like, I don’t know, we owe them a bit of the truth.”

“Maybe a bit of the truth, yes.” Phil agreed and grabbed his phone as Dan got his new laptop, what had triggered all that mess, really, which was still there.

And so, Phil tweeted.

[Vocaloid is incredible and I don’t know why it took me so long to realise that! Go check out Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka, guys. I may or may not ship them now. Sorry not sorry!]

Dan, ignoring the massive amount of messages from people wildly asking if he was okay because they were scared about his safe _‘for some reason’_ , unlike Phil, tweeted something he’d never have tweeted until that morning. He felt his heart hammer against his ribs but once he was done, he just hit send.

[sometimes it takes being nothing but emotions to understand them. on that note i just want to thank u all for waiting for me, if u are, I hope i don’t disappoint u. sorry if u left. u have the right to do that and ty for being here before]

And finally he tweeted something he would have never tweeted before.

[@AmazingPhil i want to say, in front of the internet, all my followers, including those famous people i look up to, that i love u and have never been ashamed of it. we’re companions through life]

“Dan…” Phil looked at him seeing the notification and Dan smiled “you didn’t have to say it in public.”

“It’s the truth.”

“They didn’t need to know all of it.”

Phil replied to the tweet anyway.

[@danielhowell I love you, too. It’s very brave of you to say this in public and I’m both honoured and proud of you for doing it, soulmate <3]

Their fans went wild immediately and the odd feelings of having forgotten something seemed to have been forgotten for the sake of hyping the sudden cheesy fest.

“I hate that you always sound so calm and I always sound tense as fuck” Dan chuckled but he didn’t really hate it “takeout or cooking? I’m actually fucking starving.”

“You don’t sound as tense as you think you do.” Phil told him “And I say takeout” he added , glancing at the smiling figures that no longer looked creepy “maybe leek soup?” He grinned and Dan scoffed.

He just wanted to pretend all that had been just a crazy dream where he’d dressed like Gerard Way and glitched and glowed instead of having normal emotions on a quest to finding his truth. A quest that involved 3D anime girls who sang and were girlfriends because they were projections. A quest that also involved him being honest about his emotions and dressing like a clown. It was all very foggy and felt unreal, if anything for the sheer absurdity of it, but he knew it was real. Phil had made sure they remembered that in his wish reversal.

And that was only fair.

“Anything goes. I won’t touch Indian food for a while, though. No matter how much I like it.” He said only half-joking, sitting closer to Phil than he normally would “Maybe Japanese. They’ll have that soup, I reckon.”

“I’m up for that.” Phil said grabbing his phone and ordering the food “Maybe some steamed bean paste buns?” He smiled and Dan chuckled, nodding “We’ll have steamed bean paste buns too, please.”

“You should call you mum, too.” Dan said to Phil who hummed.

“Maybe you should do it” he suggested “I reckon she’ll be happier to hear from you.”

Dan sighed and grabbed Phil’s phone to make the call. She picked up almost immediately.

“Phil?”

“Hi, Kathryn. It’s actually Dan.”

Phil had been right.

“Oh thank God! I was so worried about you for some reason. Are you okay, dear?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Phil called me earlier and I recall him talking about a stone that stole something from him and just a moment ago, it all came back and I thought you’d been hit by a stone!” She paused “After I thought he’d been doing hard drugs and needed immediate medical attention.

Dan gave Phil a look and Phil just shrugged. It wasn’t wrong, was it? Meaning, the stone took something from him, not that he’d been doing drugs.

“All is well now, you can relax now. I’m just calling to reassure you.”

A bit more small-talk and her asking him if he was doing well and had been eating well and they hung up.

“She thought you’d been doing drugs.” Dan said flatly, putting the phone back on the table and sitting down on the sofa.

“Feels like it.” Phil snorted and sat down as well, breathing heavily.

“And you weren’t the one tripping and glitching around without a body with Hatsune Miku.”

Phil chuckled.

“Let’s hear their duets as we wait.”

“Let’s go for it.” Dan snorted “And hope the police doesn’t come knocking at our door because you threw shit out the window.”

Phil chortled.

“I’ll get you a new candle.”

“We have plenty, Phil. No need. The bowl needs replacing though. You keep smashing them.” Dan made a face “The money we wasted getting ugly kettles and matching ugly teacups, we should have gotten mugs and bowls.”

“Maybe we can go back to Portobello to get some.” Phil grinned cheekily and Dan made a face that made Phil cackle.

They sat together waiting for the food and ordered the mugs and bowls off the internet like people with a vague sense of self-preservation do after a near-death experience. Then they enjoyed each other’s physical presence and listening to all the Hatsune Miku x Megurine Luka duets they found on YouTube because they deserved that hard-earned happy ending.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this mess. Uh, let me know in the comments what you thought? Not scared at the moment so go for it. I may not reply because I, like many others, never know what to say. My twt is @obsidiansisn, so, uh, if you have something to say, want to diss me to my face, or just want to say something to me in general, shoot me a message there since replying there is much easier to me.
> 
> Thanks for powering through this if you did and I'll see you around.


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